Make a travel pillow from old pajama pants.

I kind of hate the word "upcycle," mainly because I don't really know how to use it correctly.

Is the old thing upcycled into the new thing, or is the new thing upcycled from the old thing?   Oh man, I just confused myself again.

But however you say it, this totally DOES it.

By the way, this idea totally came to me because I screwed something up.

Imagine that.  

Anyway, this Pokemon fabric was a gift from my sister months and months and months ago, and since Zachary is Pokemon obsessed at the moment, I can only assume she thought I should make him something with it.

Fast forward six months, and I finally got around to it.

I decided to make him a pair of pajama shorts, which should have been a breeze.  I've done this before, and it was super easy.  This time, however, I screwed something up - like the rise was inches too short screwed up - and when Zachary tried them on they looked like something that belonged on a teeny-bopper girl with a tramp stamp and a thong hanging out the top.

When I realized what I had done I was sad, because I knew Zachary would be sad too.  A better seamstress probably could have fixed them, but I'm NOT an experienced seamstress, and I couldn't think of a good solution.

Until I thought of a good solution!

This all happened the week before we were to leave on vacation, and as I gazed sadly down onto the useless pajama shorts, I realized the shape was exactly the same of those travel/neck pillowsthat cost a small fortune, and since we were going to be in the car for an ungodly number of hours...

It was fate.

I quickly seamed up the leg openings, stuffed it with the innards of an old throw pillow that had seen better days, then seamed across the top, and TADA!  Now it's a pillow! 

This one was made out of pj shorts, but you could totally use pants as well.  Just cut them off to the correct length and turn them inside out before seaming up the bottom.

I feel pretty good about figuring out a way to still make these useful for Zachary, and the timing couldn't have been better, since we were just about to embark on a 12 hour car trip.

Now go dig through your kids' old pajamas and whip one of these up yourself. 

It will get you major mom points, I promise.



This post contains affiliate links. 

Patching boys' jeans - superhero style!

My boys are ROUGH on clothes.  Cheap clothes, expensive clothes, it doesn't matter.  They are rough.

Rough.

I've learned my lesson and now I refuse to spend much on what they wear, instead opting for yard sales and discount stores to stock up on a quantity of what I think of as "disposable" pieces.

This late in the school year, I absolutely REFUSE to buy Zachary anything else to wear. Instead I'm trying to eke whatever usage I can out of the tattered remnants of what he already owns.

The kid grew an inch last month.

I'm just NOT buying new clothes right now.

So anyway, when he burst through the knee of yet another pair of jeans a couple weeks back, I said to myself, "Self, you can totally fix this."

Then I though to myself, "Self, this doesn't have to be any boring old patch.  You can make it a super cool patch - one that won't get your kid beat up on the playground because it's all lame and patchy like."

Pinterest directed me toward a ton of  cute monster face patches, and I would totally do those for Cooper, or myself, maybe.

But Zachary needed something better.  Something different.

So....

TADA!  I used a Batman symbol to patch his jeans.

The process was super easy.  First I found a Batman logo online and printed it out in the size I needed, then cut it out.  Next I used two different shades of denim - one for the background oval and one for the bat itself.  I pinned the paper logos into place on my denim scraps and cut them out.  

I used denim colored thread to hand sew the oval into place, then I sewed the bat over the oval.

When I was stitching the oval in place, I sewed about a quarter inch inside the edge of the fabric so it would fray and look cool after it was washed a few times. 

And guess what?

It did look cool.

These quickly became Zachary's  favorite pair of jeans, and now I can't wait until he rips through another pair so I can do it again.  I'm sure it won't be long.

Maybe next time I'll do Superman, or Green Lantern, or X-Men, The Flash, or Captain America or...

On birthdays.

Last week, Zachary turned seven.

A few weeks before his birthday, the mother of one of his friends asked me "So when will Zachary's birthday party be?"

Was that an incredibly rude question? Absolutely.  But it was also totally without malice.  She was genuinely curious about when his party would be because it's the norm.  It's expected.  Zachary had attended her kid's party, so she assumed her kid would attend his.  Elaborate, expensive birthday celebrations are just a foregone conclusion, even in my rural, low-income community.  EVERYBODY does it.

Except I don't.

It wasn't like one day I woke up and made a huge decree of "There will be no themed birthday celebrations in this house, no clowns or circus animals, no pony rides, no paid magicians, no rented skating rinks or bouncy houses."   It just sort of happened that way.

And that's not to say that we don't celebrate our kids' birthdays.  We most certainly do.  But it's more...  understated.  More... family oriented.  

In the weeks leading up to Zachary's birthday, I started talking to him about how he wanted to spend the day.  We tossed around a few ideas, some of which I confirmed and some of which remained a mystery until the big day.  After all, anticipation of the surprise is half the fun when you're turning seven, I think.  One thing he asked for and held firm on was a "Pokemon-Superhero-Skylander-Mario-Angry Birds-Beyblade-Wipeout cake."

Ahem.

This Mama absolutely NAILED that one, thank you very much.

When his birthday arrived, the four of us spent the day eating pancakes for breakfast, shopping for a new toy, jumping on some crazy inflatables, roller skating, blowing out candles and eating cake, and we finished the day at our favorite Mexican restaurant where we ate quesidillas and nachos and the waiters sang to Zachary and let him wear the sombrero of honor.

On the way home, I asked Zachary how he liked his birthday and he answered "Best. Day. Ever."

It's hard to argue with that.

So even though I feel just the SLIGHTEST bit of guilt that we don't reciprocate birthday party invitations with invitations of equal or greater value, Zachary had a great day, the rest of our family had a great day, and it's what works for us.

At least right now.

I'm of a "never say never" mindset on this, though, and at some point in the future if one of the boys has his heart set on an space-themed-party-with-30-of-his-closest-friends-and-rocket-ship-rides-and-a-real-LIVE-ASTRONAUT I'm not saying that I'll say no.

But I might.

How about you?  How do you handle kid's birthdays in your family?  

Valentine's Day Advent Mailboxes

And yes, I totally Googled "advent" to make sure it worked here.  And it does.  Mostly.

I used to ignore most holidays altogether, but over the last few years, a perfect storm of more free time plus Pinterest envy plus kids who are old enough to understand holidays plus my unnatural desire to WIN at parenting has led me down the dark, scary roads of holiday decor and festivities and whatnot.

Sometimes I tend to... overdo things, but I'm going to declare that these Valentine's mailboxes are nothing but win.

I saw these little cutie mailboxes in the dollar bins at Target, and quickly snatched up four.  My Target had the red and blue ones, but my friend Natalie found pink and white ones at her Target.  Wal-Mart also has some similar ones in with their Valentine's Day stuff, too.

I printed out some name labels (which would have been WAY fancier if I had this Silhouette Portraitcutting tool that I covet SO SO HARD), then found a quick free "I love you because" printable, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Now in the days leading up to Valentine's Day, my boys and I can leave each other cute little notes, plus I got a few cheap candies (like conversation hearts) to surprise them with along the way.  We have been doing this a total of ONE day, and they are already watching their flags like hawks, because they know a raised flag means a new note or treat. 

I found this note from Zachary in my mailbox this morning:

and while I'm not sure what it is I'm the best at, exactly (the best at yelling?  the best at making pancakes? the best at saying "uh-huh" when he talks at LENGTH about Beyblades?) I'll still take it, and take it happily.

Because he took the time to write it for me, and that means the world.




This post contains affiliate links. 

Homemade restaurant style garlic butter

If I weren't so lazy I'd Photoshop the plate where I smeared butter all around with my 

fingers while trying to lick up every bit of it's goodness.  

I love eating out.  R and I are "eating out" kinds of people.

The problem with eating out, though, is you can totally blow through the week's grocery budget on one nice dinner, and by "nice dinner" I mean "overpriced buffet for four."  The other problem with eating out is that typically, I am expected to put on pants before going out, and this screws with my life force in terrible, terrible ways.

So we eat in mostly.

And I am a passable, even decent, heck, even GOOD cook on most days.

So when occasionally I realize that I have been missing out on something that is totally easy and totally yummy for the past, oh lifetime or so, I get kind of angry with myself.

That is so true of this yummy garlic butter.

Who knew it would be so easy?

Not me, obviously.

[Printable Recipe]

WHAT YOU NEED:
1 stick of salted butter, softened
3-4 cloves of garlic, crushed and chopped
a couple dashes each of salt, paprika and garlic powder

WHAT YOU DO:
Put everything in the food processor or blender and pulse it a few times until everything is incorporated.    Be careful not to over mix.  You can store it in the fridge in a covered container indefinitely, just like plain butter.  Serve it on hot, crusty bread.  Yum.

How to keep your cakes from doming in the middle.

I bake a lot of cakes this time of year.  There are parties, potlucks, and family gatherings to attend, and almost all require the presence of a cake or three.

So I bake.  And bake.  And bake.

However, over the past few years I've noticed a trend with my once lovely cakes - they began to dome in the middle, and the outsides were getting crunchy before the middles were done baking.  I blamed it on an aging, persnickety oven with varying hotspots, and I set out to find a solution.  The first thing I tried was to reduce the baking temperature a bit.  This helped some, but it still wasn't enough.

One of the sites I ran across suggested a) buying heavier new cake pans or b) buying cake baking strips to put around your current pans.  Although I love a new kitchen gadget as much as the next person, my cake pans are fine, thankyouverymuch, and those strips are in the $20 range, which is far more than I paid for my current pans in the first place.

So my redneck farm girl ingenuity kicked in and I thought to myself, "Self, you can just go make your own."

So I did.

Granted, it's not permanent, and it will need to be changed regularly, but I made it with stuff I already had on hand, which is like free(ish), and free(ish) beats $20 in my book any day plus I've used it several times already and it works like a dream.

Here's what I did:

I used an old pair of jeans from my craft stash that were well beyond repair and cut a strip to the rough width of my cake pan and that was long enough to wrap all the way around the outside of the pan.  Next, I soaked it in water and wrapped it in aluminum foil, then I wrapped it around the outside of the cake pan.

The first time I used it, I was kind of worried that it might, oh, maybe, catch on fire in the oven, but it didn't.  However, it DID work, and my cake came out of the oven with a nearly perfectly level top for the first time in years.

After the cake was done baking, I removed the strip and carefully folded it up to use again next time.

Redneck ingenuity wins, once again.

DIY bottle cap candles - Easy Stocking Stuffer

Things I don't have enough of: time, money

Things I have too much of: beer bottle caps, old candles, desire to be a redneck version of Martha Stewart

That makes this little gift in a jar I put together a perfect representation of all of the above.

 See, here's the thing.  I hate, hate, HATE when someone gives me a gift and I don't have anything prepared to reciprocate with.  I know Emily Post says to smile graciously and say "Thank you!" and be done with it, but awkwardness is my strong suit, and usually when this happens to me I turn red and stammer and stutter around for a minute then make up a blatant lie like "OH MY GOSH!  I LEFT YOURS IN THE CAR!!!  I'll be right back!" and then, depending on the situation, I either a) run to the all night drug store and pick up a bag of year-old mints because that's the only festive looking thing they have there or b) never return and mark that person permanently off my list of friends.

A few years ago I got the bright idea of carrying around a few extra small denomination gift cards inside Christmas cards, and I have actually used a couple of them, so it seems like a good thought, but a gift card stuffed in a Christmas card with no personalization whatsoever just kind of screams "GENERIC GIFT!!!!"  so I decided to take it one step further this year.  Added to that is my newfound love of gifts in jars (Hello 2007, I missed the memo, thanks) and so I came up with this little cutie.

Here's how I put it together.

To make the candles, first I rounded up some beer bottle caps and spray painted them in colors I love.  After they were dry, used a tiny dab of glue to put in some wicks that I got at my local craft store.  Then I used a candle remnant I had already to melt and pour into the bottle caps.  I Googled the best way to melt candle wax, and the internet was all "NNNNOOOOOO!!!!! YOU CAN'T PUT IT IN THE MICROWAVE!!!!!!" and I was like "Whatever, internet.  I don't need your advice anyway," and I totally melted it in the microwave and nobody was killed or maimed in the process.

So there.

Last, I trimmed the wicks to a reasonable length, and other than the time it took the paint to dry it took about three minutes total.

  

To set up the jar, I found a free printable Christmas pattern online and printed it out.  I wanted to use a box of matches but I didn't have any, so I used a couple books instead.  I wrapped the matches with the paper and then I cut a circle out of the patterned paper to fit the jar lid.  I used a little dab of glue to keep it in place, and that was it.

 Now I have a couple stashed in my too-large purse, and I'm ready for any sneak-attack gifters who may be out there lurking.

I love that part of the gift itself serves as the wrapping, and I love that it's not impersonal.

Now if someone would just give me a damn gift (I'm partial to shiny, geeky gadgety things, by the way) I could pull this out and act like I had it planned all along.

Five Minute Stocking Stuffers - Cute Little Pincushion

If you have a sewer or a crafter or a quilter on your Christmas list this year, this is a super easy little pincushion you can throw together in just a few minutes.   Please ignore the fact that the background of my photo shows about fifteen "in progress" sewing projects.  I'm getting there.  Really.

Anyway, I love that the pincushion is the top of a mason jar - I used a small (4 oz.) one and just put all my extra pins in there, but you could totally use a pint sized one and fill it with buttons, thread, ribbons... whatever sewing notions you can think of.

SUPPLIES NEEDED - 1 mason jar (whatever size you choose) with ring and lid, 1 scrap of fabric cut into a rough circle It really doesn't have to be perfect) about 1 1/2 to 2 inches larger than the jar lid, some cotton balls or cotton batting, hot glue gun or fabric friendly craft glue, one piece of cardboard or felt cut to the size of lid.

To start, I placed the fabric, wrong side up, on a flat surface, then I put a handful of cotton batting in the center.  I put the jar lid (not the ring) on top of that, wrong side up again, and began pulling the fabric up and around the lid, hot gluing as I went.  I kept pulling and gluing until the fabric was secured.  Then I turned it over and pushed the fabric, batting and lid up through the ring.

Next I cut out a rough circle of cardboard to the approximate size of the lid and hot glued it over the mess of the fabric that was underneath of the lid, like this:

Don't you love how nice my thumb nail looks here?  Aren't you so so jealous?

I let the glue dry, filled the jar with shiny pretty straight pins and stuck a few into the pincushion for easy access, and that's it.

You just made a really adorable pincushion.

Well, I did, anyway.

But now you can, too.  All the cool kids are doing it.  

Five Minute Stocking Stuffers - Keyring Chapstick Holder

I can never, ever, ever find my chapstick in the bottom of my huge purse.  This is a problem, because as a result, I buy a new tube every time I'm in line to check out anywhere, then I use it exactly once, throw it in my purse, and never see it again.  All my chapstick is probably in some alternate dimension frolicking with all the single socks that my dryer eats.

Anyway, I can only assume that others have this problem, too, because if you go to Pinterest and search  for "chapstick holder" there are about a million different ones listed there.

Well, now you can make that a million and one.

SUPPLIES NEEDED:
2- coordinating strips of fabric, approximately 2 inches by 6 inches
1- 1 inch ribbon end crimp (also called a ribbon clamp) WITH loop.  You can get these at any craft store, or on eBay, which is where I prefer to shop due to lack of necessary personal interaction
1 1- 1 inch split key ring.  Ditto above about where to get them, or you can steal one off some freebie key chain a bank gave you in 1994.
scissors, thread, sewing machine, pliers

DIRECTIONS:
Using 1/4 inch seam allowance, place your two pieces of fabric right sides together and sew a straight seam down both long sides and across one short side.  Now turn it right side out.  I keep a chopstick handy to poke the corners out.

Now fold the seamed end of the fabric up approximately 2 1/2 inches, so that the lining (interior) fabric is on the outside (for me , that is the green) and stitch a straight seam up to the edge of your fold.  This forms a pocket.  trim any excess fabric from this seam and turn it so the right side is now out.

Crimp the ribbon end on the unfinished (open) top end of your holder.  (As you can see from the photo mine was a little too wide so I folded the sides in a bit an pressed them down before putting the ribbon crimp on, but I liked the way it looks).  Add your key ring to the top of the ribbon crimp and there you have it.

Now you can find your chapstick, assuming you can find your keys.

Five Minute Stocking Stuffer - Tissue Pack Cover

I'm a fan of cheap. 

I'm a fan of easy.  

I've been busily sewing and crafting up a storm to get ready for Christmas, and as I was sewing the other day, it (finally) occurred to me that maybe I should share some of these easy crafty projects on my blog so that you, too, can be cheap and easy, just like me!

Ahem.  

Well, you know what I mean.

I saw a tutorial on Pinterest for some cute little tissue pack covers - you know, those tissue packs that always get wadded up in the bottom of your purse then you can never find them when you need them?  

Well anyway, I thought these would make a good stocking stuffer, but even the super-simple tutorial seemed to have too many steps for me, so I made some cuts, made some folds, sewed some seams (four total!!!) and came up with this.

You should try it.  

It truly took less than five minutes.

SUPPLIES NEEDED:

Two pieces of coordinating fabric, roughly 10 inches by 5 inches.  Actually, it probably doesn't need to be that big.  I didn't measure it.  I also didn't take pics of the first few steps because it didn't occur to me until later to write a post about it.  Oops.  Someday I'm going to get my shit together.  Someday.

scissors, thread, sewing machine, iron

a purse/pocket sized pack of tissues

WHAT TO DO:

Place your two pieces of fabric together, right sides out.

Fold the ends of the shorter side over approximately one inch (the fabric you want on the outside should be folded over the interior fabric)  and press with the iron.  Sew a straight seam at the edge of each fold.  Now it should look like this:

Next, turn it over and wrap it around your tissue pack, inside out.  You want the edges to overlap approximately 1/2 to 1 inch. Pin in place.  Now sew a straight seam at one end of the tube you created, like this:

Now put  your tissue pack in the tube and shove it down to the end you seamed.  Pinch the other end closed at the length you want your cover to be and mark it with a pin.  Remove the tissue pack and sew another seam at the marked spot, like this:

You can see I had quite a bit of fabric left over.  If I would have bothered to measure, this wouldn't have happened.  Oops.  (It ended up being about 4.5 x 2.5 finished, if this helps you at all.) Anyway, I just chopped the extra fabric off like this:

Then I turned it right side out and TA-DA!  Cute little tissue pack cover.

I keep an old chopstick handy to use to square out my corners, but that's it.

Five minutes, less than a dollar's worth of materials, and you now have a stocking stuffer that you can give to someone and be all like "Oh, yeah, I  MADE this for you.  With my own two hands.  It was a sacrifice, I know, but you are IMPORTANT to me."

Or you can just decide to keep it, like I did.

DIY over the door Advent Calendar.

My family never did advent calendars when I was growing up.  It wasn't until I was an adult that I even had an inkling of what they were all about.  For the last couple years, I've planned to either buy or make one for the boys, but I could never find one I loved and other things took crafting priority.

I decided this year would be the year for the advent calendar, though, and I poured over Pinterest for just the perfect idea.  

I never really found one I LOVED, but I did find several that would work, so I tentatively chose a design, but the downside of it was that it was going to require my power tools, some wood cutting, a lot of painting, and a LOT of time.  Which, by the way, is running out fast.

Then one night I fell asleep and dreamed about advent calendars and when I woke up, I had the idea of what I would do fully formed in my mind.  Now I'm pretty sure I must have run across several of these when I was looking for ideas, but it literally came to me in a dream before I realized that I could make it super cute, super easily, and super quickly.

Why can't I ever dream really useful stuff, like winning lottery numbers?

Anyway, here's the kind of stuff I dream about.

Welcome to my brain.

SUPPLIES:

One over the door type shoe holder with 24 clear pockets. I got mine at Wal-Mart for around $5.

24 treat bags.  I found that these fit the width of the pockets exactly.  I used 2 different designs so I could alternate them. Mine came from Wal-Mart and were around $2 for each design. 

Coordinating scrapbook paper, or wrapping paper.  

Numbers 1-24.  I opened a blank document in Word then just played around until I found a font and size I liked, then printed them out and cut them out individually and glued them on.  For the whole project, this was the most time consuming step.  You could buy pre-cut sticky labels if you're not cheap like me.

Scissors, ruler, tape, glue

DIRECTIONS:

First I cut the gift bags off about an inch at the bottom to fit the pockets.  I slid them into the pockets and used a small piece of scotch tape to hold them into place.  Gravity really does most of the work here.  Next I printed and cut out all the numbers and adhered them to the pockets. Last, I measured and cut the scrapbook paper to fit the space above each pocket, then glued it into place.  

I played around with a bow and some garland to jazz up the top, but I found that it looked too busy, so I took it back off and left the top plain.  Of course, part of the problem there might be that I have ZERO bow-making skills...

Now I'm going to fill up the pockets with tons of fun stuff!  Some days will be easy stuff like chocolates or small toys that I picked up at the Dollar Tree, and some days will have notes detailing activities.  Some of my ideas (and some I pilfered from my friend Natalie include:

• Today we will decorate the Christmas tree (December 1)!
• Tonight we will watch Rudolph and eat popcorn!
• Today is the day we visit Santa!
• Let's make a gingerbread house!
• Let's write our letters to Santa today!
• Let's bake and decorate Christmas cookies for our neighbors!
• Let's send out Christmas cards!
• Today we can make an ornament for the tree!
• Today we will go buy gifts for a family in need.
• Snowball fight! (Of course it won't snow, so I'm thinking baggies of miniature marshmallows.)
• Let's drive around tonight to see the lights!
• Let's cut out paper snowflakes!
• Tonight we will watch Frosty the Snowman and drink hot chocolate!

On December 24, the note will say: find the special package under the tree that says "Do Not Open Until Christmas Eve."  In the box will be new pajamas and a new Christmas book to read before bedtime.

This is all stuff we do every year anyway, but I love the thought of the boys racing downstairs every morning to see what's in store for the day.

This Christmas spirit business, I think I'm starting to get it.

Condiments.

My Mama was a kind person.

She spoke kind words about the people she knew, and she seldom had a harsh thing to say about anybody.

Well, mostly.

I did however, on more than one occasion, hear her speak ill of one of my aunts (my daddy's sister - not her own, oh goodness no!) about being stingy.  This stinginess was most evident, apparently, in how my aunt dealt with free condiments in restaurants.

"She goes in restaurants and asks for extra ketchup and mustard and salt and pepper so she can take it HOME with her.  She ain't bought a bottle of ketchup for YEARS.  I ain't never in all my life met somebody so cheap as that," my Mama said.  Many times.

There was also one memorable occasion involving my aunt, an oversized pocketbook and a set of salt and pepper shakers that "fell" in.  I'm not sure my Mama ever quite got over that one.  I'm also pretty sure she never went out to eat with my aunt again after that.

Then last week I decided to skip my normal weekly trip to the grocery.  I was feeling lazy. Every day of the entire week, I guess.  Hey, it happens.  Don't judge.  Some days just aren't bra-worthy.   So anyway, by the end of the week the pantry was missing several vital ingredients for pretty much every recipe in my arsenal.  No tomato sauce? I can't make spaghetti.  No rice?  Can't make any Asian food.  No bread?  Sandwiches are out.  And then I remembered I had some steaks in the freezer and a few wilted potatoes, so it quickly became a steak and potatoes kind of night.

Usually I marinate my steaks in a some soy sauce and garlic and spices for a few hours before throwing them on the grill, but guess what?  I was out of soy sauce.  Oh, and garlic too.  But hey... Here's this old tub of garlic butter from the pizza place, and here are a few little packets of soy sauce from the Chinese takeout we had...

So I created a steak marinade made entirely from stolen restaurant condiments, which I have PLENTY of, by the way.  See the pic above?  It's a little shelf on the door of my fridge, and it's entirely full of little packages ketchup and mustard and jelly and dressings and such that I've "picked up" when I've been out to eat.

RJ proclaimed it the best steak I'd ever made, and I'll have to admit, it was pretty darn tasty.

Once I realized that hoarding free restaurant condiments had become SOP for me, I started to wonder what Mama would say if she could see me now.

I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be entirely kind :)

Yard Sale Drinking Game

Every year for the past oh-my-god-I-don't-know-how-many years I have had a yard sale to rid my house of the large amounts of junk that breed here while I sleep and/or am passed out.  Every year, I BEG you people to tell me "NEVER AGAIN!" and "TAKE IT STRAIGHT TO GOODWILL!" and every year you disappoint me, just like you did last year and the year before.  But that's ok, I'm resourceful, and I found a way to deal with it much better this year, thankyouverymuch.

Welcome to the Yard Sale Drinking Game, Day 1.  I'm mj, your hostess.  The rules are simple.

1. Any time someone says "Hot enough for ya?" take a shot of tequila.
2. Any time someone says "How ya like this rain?" take a shot of gin.
3. Any time someone says "How much ya want for this?" about something that is clearly priced, take a shot of whisky.
4. Any time someone tries to buy something that is clearly NOT for sale (like your car, your lawnmower, or your kids) chug a beer.
5. Any time someone asks for something randomly specific, like a set of 1976 Encyclopedias or a motor that will fit a Bissell 66T61 upright vacuum, take a shot of vodka.
6.  Also, if someone buys today's mystery item, which is this whole box of Elmos (don't ask.  Please, god, don't ask):

 drink an entire bottle of liquor of your choice.


7:20am:  Ok, time to set up.  Of course, it hasn't rained here in 8 weeks, but it's raining buckets today, so I'll just set everything up in the garage.  It's a change of plans, but I can handle it.  Plus I have plenty of time since I didn't advertise the start time until 8am.  Oh, here's a car.  And another.  Oh, hello 14 old people.  No, you come right on in.  Yes, you're early.  Yes, it sure is raining hard.  (2 shots of whisky, 1 shot of tequila, 7 shots of gin)

10am:  Sure, lady you can sit in my car, but first you have to buy something.  Ha ha.  No, really, I'm not joking.  Ok, sure, thanks for your business.  No, go ahead.  It's unlocked.  Just don't drive off in it.  Oh, you're just going to sit there in it and make "VROOM VROOM" noises?  Oh, alrighty then, I'll just go back over here to my liquor stash.  (chug a beer, take 2 shots of tequila just for the hell of it)

12pm:  How much for the Elmos?  You mean the ones that say "Elmos $1 each" on the box?  Hmmm, there are probably 15 of them in the box, so how about $25 for the whole box?  Oh, you wanna talk me down to $20?  SOLD!!!!  One box of Elmos sold to the man with more tattoos than teeth!  You, sir, have bought today's mystery item.  Oh, it doesn't really mean anything for you, but I'm pretty excited about it.  (drink a whole bottle of gin)

1pm:  Oh, hello sir.  Oh, you didn't see my signs?  Hmmm. I'll have to check on that.  Oh, it's because you have a bad eye?  Ok.  Oh, yes, yes I see your new eye that the VA got you.  It's very... nice.  Very nice.  I had no idea the VA did eye transplants.  No, I think it's wonderful that they got you a new one, really.  You know what?  Why don't I just GIVE you this lamp?  Here, I'll help you load it in your car. No, really, I saw your nice new eye the first 6 times you showed it to me, so I don't need to see it again.  Oh, ok, one more time then.  (there's not an "I don't want to look at your new body part replacement" category.  Drink whatever's handy)

2pm:  I am DONE for the day.  Now I get to do it all over again tomorrow!  (drink all the liquor that's left, which ain't much, then call RJ to make a stop at the liquor store on his way home from work)



Yard Sale Drinking Game, Day 2:  The rules are simple.

Actually, you know what?  Screw all the rules.  I'm just gonna fill up this here big ole Sonic foam cup with an adult beverage and call it good.   We do need a mystery item for the day, though.  How about this sweater:

What IS this sweater?!?!?  Where did it come from?!?!?!  It is a pink and green
Christmas sweater, and that is so wrong, and so ugly, and so bad.  I don't
understand this sweater?!?!?  Why is it even in my life?  WHY????????

So day two commenced, and day two ended, pretty much in a hazy drunken stupor.  As it should be.  I have very little ACTUAL, FACTUAL recollection of what happened that day, but at the end of the day when I woke up, I was several hundred dollars richer and I wasn't entirely sure what had transpired.

You know, just like how I think prostitutes feel.

And THAT, my friends, is the right way to have a yard sale.

No Nick here.

My boys watch tv.

Ok, come on judgey McJudgersons, tell me how it's bad for their little developing brains and will turn them into couch-potato-brain-dead-zombie-children-who-will-never-function-in-society-so-I-might-as-well-clean-out-the-basement-because-they-will-never-move-out-ever, then I'll tell you how it keeps me from becoming a hair-pulling-out-banshee-screaming-wine-drinking-before-lunch-hysterically-sobbing-lunatic whenever I hear one of them yell  "MAMA!!!" for the seventeenth time in 3.8 minutes.

Ok, I'm glad we understand each other now.

Now that THAT'S out of the way, I can tell you that cj's tastes run toward Disney - Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Little Einsteins pretty much exclusively.  Considering one of those shows is on pretty much 24/7, I'm usually covered every time I need a babysitter little tv time for him.

Except a few weeks ago we switched from DirectTV to cable because it was way cheaper, and I'm all about cheap.  I'm also fairly resistant to change not familiar with the channel lineup yet, and I really needed to plant cj in front of the tv for a minute this morning while I  went online to find out what was wrong with Ameilia's baby on Private Practice OMG It. Doesn't. Have. A. Brain!!!! I did some important household chores, and I couldn't find the Disney Channel, so I turned on Backyardigans instead.

"Here ya go, cj!  Sit down here and watch tv for a little while so Mama can, umm, get some work done, ok? Mama has a new show for you!  You're going to love it!"

Then I sneaked away to the office and started Googling "Private Practice" like my life depended on it.

I was deeply engrossed with reading feedback from the previous night's episode - which I will watch at some point in my future, like maybe when the boys are in bed, or maybe in college - when I heard cj's voice from the living room.

"Aww, he likes it," I thought, smiling to myself.  "He's singing along." I was mentally filing  Backyardigans away as a potential future babysitter when I heard his voice getting louder and louder and louder.

Deciding I needed to check it out, I walked into the living room where I found him, face pressed up against the tv screen and saying, ok, muttering "StopSingingStopSingingStopSingingStopSingingStopSingingStopSingingStopSingingStopSingingStopSingingStopSingingSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGING" over and over and over, sort of like a crazy person.

"Cj, honey, are you ok?" I asked cautiously.

He turned around to face me, his adorable little face scrunched up in what I can only describe as rage and said, "Mama. Dat. Yellow. Tow (cow). Won't. Stop. Singing.  Make. Him. Shut. Up."

"Oh, I think it's a hippo?  Maybe?  Named Tasha?  And she's definitely a girl, I think?" I answered.

"SHUT. HIM. UP. NOW. TURN. OFF. US'S TB. NOW. MAMA!" he demanded, teeth clenched, anger nearly radiating off him.

 Sort of afraid not to, I quickly grabbed the remote and turned the tv off.  Cj immediately transformed - a la Jeckell and Hyde - back to his sweet little self, and was playing, laughing and talking within minutes.

Later when I put him down for a nap, I spent an hour or so memorizing the Disney channel lineup for cable.

I'd hate to see what would happen if I accidentally showed him an episode of Wonder Pets or something.

Getting crafty.

I blame Pinterest.

I've been on a sewing and crafting kick that shows no signs of stopping.

I keep hearing how all these people have no time to DO any of the things they see on Pinterest because they're too busy pinning, but I seem to have the opposite problem.  I don't have time to pin or blog or clean my house or do laundry because I'm too busy crafting.

See?

I've been making pretty photo canvases:

And adorable cup sleeves:

Some amazing iPhone cases:

Booky shoes:

Ruffled tote bags that are to die for:

And I've even tried my hand at some nerdy book lover jewelry:

Oh, and don't forget the velvet bookmarks:

 Fair warning:  If you are a person who normally gets gifts from me, you WILL be getting some of these things for Christmas.  And since it's still January, remember I have 11 more months to continue the crafting madness.

Scary, isn't it?