Super Why not?

A few months ago, we finally got around to signing up for Nexflix.

Hey, 2007 called.  It wants it's tv watching options back.

Anyway, it opened up a whole new set of tv shows for the kids, which I took full advantage of.

As I was scrolling through, looking for a show to babysit engage Cooper for a little while, I came across SUPER WHY! We had never watched it before but it looked promising, so I turned it on.

Cooper was hooked IMMEDIATELY.

He watched the first episode, eyes raptly glued to the screen, no movement, no sound.  It was a magical place for a four year old wiggly boy to be.

When the episode ended, it took him a few minutes to shake it off, then he looked around, startled, and realizing what had happened, my mild mannered, easy-going little guy demanded, "ANOTHER. NOW!"

So I did what any great, self-respecting mama would do.  I turned on another.  Then another.  Then another.

And so the day went.  He sat, totally entranced by Wyatt and his adventures and only acknowledged my presence when he needed something - "SNACK!" he would yell.  "DRINK!" he would shout.

This behavior was so out of character for my normally lovey-dovey, chatty, snuggly kid that I just gave in to it, mainly out of fear curiosity about where it would lead.

He was totally, thoroughly, completely consumed by this show.  I have no idea where he gets those tendencies.  No idea at all.

At some point during the day, I felt sort of bad that he had been sitting, staring at the tv for so long, so I tried to lure him away from it.  "Hey, Cooper," I said cajolingly.  "Wanna go outside?"  This is guaranteed 99.9% of the time to get a positive response.

"NO!" he growled.  "WATCH!"

Oh.  Okay then.

Finally, after episode ohdearIhavenoidea he drifted off to sleep, so I quickly turned the tv off. When he woke up, we went on with our day and it seemed like maybe he had forgotten it.

Until later, when he walked up to me and said seriously, "Mama, I love to spell.  S-P-E-L-L.  Can I watch my show now?"

Oh.  Well I guess you can then.  Any time kid.  Any time.



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The last 20 minutes.

I like to watch tv.

There.  I said it.

I know it's not politically correct and/or cool to actually ADMIT to that, but I do.  Currently, R and I have, between us, around a dozen or so shows that one, the other, or both of us like to watch.   Is that too much tv?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Before we had kids we used to go to the movies ALL THE TIME, but paying $40 for the sitter on top of the price of movie tickets and popcorn has curtailed that for the foreseeable future.

So for now, tv it is.

We enjoy watching tv after the kids are in bed at night, and we do even occasionally interact with each other about it.  "Hey did you see that?!?!?!" I might yell ask R, even though of course he did.

But I have a problem.

Due to my early-bird nature, I'm usually pretty tired by the time we start watching tv, so inevitably I fall asleep before the show is over.

Every time.

So I never, never, never get to see the last 20 minutes of anything.

Since we DVR everything and watch it later, this isn't a huge deal.  Except... the next night, since R DID finish the show, we start something new.

And I fall asleep before it's over.

And the next night - same thing.

And the next night - same thing.

I don't watch tv during the day when I'm home with the kids, so the last 20 minutes of shows that I have yet to see just sit there, unwatched.  At the moment, I have AT LEAST 10 shows that I need to finish, including the season finales of Arrow, CSI, Criminal Minds and Grimm.  I also have THREE episodes of Hannibal and at least a couple of Vegas, which I heard has been cancelled and I am SO SO sad about.

Is it wrong of me to want to send the kids to the sitter for a day just so I can catch up on my tv shows?

Yeah, probably so.

But I might do it anyway.

Mayberry - the Movie!

Ok, I'll fess up here.

I'm a HUGE Andy Griffith fan.

And that's not just to say I watched The Andy Griffith Showa lot as a kid, although that is true.

No.

I mean I'm a FAN of the showNOW.

I think Sheriff Taylor is fair and smart and handsome, in a big-eared kind of way.

I think Aunt Bee was funny and a consumate hostess, something I constantly strive for.

I think Barney Fife was funny and well-intentioned, even though he managed to screw up nearly everything he touched.  I can truly relate to that.

Anyway, The Andy Griffith Showis good, clean, honest tv, and to this day, I love it.  It speaks to a simpler time, a time I think I would have thrived in.

I've seen every episode dozens of times, though.  A little new content would be nice.

And since movie versions of tv shows are all the rage these days (wasn't Willie Nelson AWESOME as Uncle Jesse in The Dukes of Hazzardmovie remake?) I recently did some research to see if anyone had ever tried to do a remake of The Andy Griffith Show.

Sadly, so sadly, the answer was no.

But not one to be easily discouraged, I decided to help Hollywood out a little bit by taking care of the casting.  Everyone KNOWS casting is the hardest part, right?  So now you don't have any excuses now, do you Hollywood?

I'm going to expect tickets to the premiere, thankyouverymuch.

So, without further delay...

The role of Sheriff Andy Taylor goes to:

Tom Hanks!

But not the newly-old-creepy guy Tom Hanks with the weird little gray mustache.  More like Tom Hanks 10-15 years ago,  around the time of Cast Away. He has proven that he can do both comedy and serious roles with equal measure, and he has the same type of charismatic-yet-not-quite-handsome charm as Mr. Griffith.  Have your people call my people, Tom.  We can get this project off the ground in no time.  

The role of Barney Fife goes to: 

Steve Buscemi!

Ok, I'l be honest.  I was fairly certain that this role would end up going to David Spade, but I just couldn't make it work.  I WANTED it to be him, but it just didn't feel right.  So, enter Steve Buscemi.  He usually plays a totally creepy serial killer type guy, but he has proven that he can do comedy, too (like in The Big Lebowski).Plus, he totally has the look.  Totally.

The role of Aunt Bee goes to: 

Kathy Bates! 

Out of all my very difficult casting decisions, this one was the no-brainer, really.

I think she's perfect, and since this is my fantasy world, that's enough.

The role of Helen Crump goes to:

Sela Ward!

They are both charming and classy in a totally southern way.  Apparently most of the world knows her for the tv show Sisters, but somehow I missed that one.  I do however, watch her nearly every week on CSI: NY.

The role of Thelma Lou goes to:

Andie MacDowell!

She's another kind of non-threatening, southern-charm-laden kind of actress who would fit in well with my made-up cast.  I guess my only concern about her is that she resembles Sela Ward quite a bit.  But then again, Helen and Thelma Lou could have been sisters, so I guess it fits.  

The role of Goober Pyle goes to:

Larry the Cable Guy!

Honestly, I'm not a huge LTCG fan.  Actually, I'm not even a small fan.  But Doofus, meet Doofus.  It's kind of perfect, don't you think?

The Role of Gomer Pyle Goes to:

Randy Travis! 

They both have freakishly large teeth and a beautiful singing voice.  'Nuff said.

The role of Floyd the Barber goes to:

Nathan Lane!

Seriously, could a more perfect casting choice be found anywhere?  I think not.  He's funny and fussy and slightly effeminate, just like Floyd.  They even wear the same glasses, for goodness sake.  It's serendipity.

The role of Howard Sprague goes to:

JK Simmons!

It took me FOREVER to figure out this guy's name.  See, he's in about half the movies I've seen, EVER, but no one ever really remembers him, his roles, or his name.  Which, in my humble opinion, makes him perfect for playing Howard.  Nobody ever remembers him, either.

The role of Otis Campbell goes to:

Troy Evans!

He's another you-know-you-know-this-guy-from-somewhere guy.  I know him best from ER,but he has been in about a million movies and tv shows in his lifetime.  Plus, just slap a hat on him and he's ready to roll as Otis.  They could be twinsies.  

Starring in a brief cameo appearance as Ernest T Bass is:

Jim Carrey!

Of course. 

It has to be a brief appearance though, because I can only handle Jim Carrey in really, really small doses. 

And last but not least, starring as Opie Talyor is:

I have absolutely, positively no freaking clue.  None at all.  And it's not just the red hair that's throwing me off.  I just can't find any happy wholesome child actors out there who would fit the bill.  Most of today's child actors are drug addicts, anorexic and involved in sex scandals before the age of, oh, say 11 or so.  And that just won't do.  It won't do at all.

So help a crazy Andy Griffith fan out, would ya?  Help me find my Opie.  

Who would you cast in this role?

Oh, and by the way, let me know if you think I got the rest of my casting right, too.  

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No Nick here.

My boys watch tv.

Ok, come on judgey McJudgersons, tell me how it's bad for their little developing brains and will turn them into couch-potato-brain-dead-zombie-children-who-will-never-function-in-society-so-I-might-as-well-clean-out-the-basement-because-they-will-never-move-out-ever, then I'll tell you how it keeps me from becoming a hair-pulling-out-banshee-screaming-wine-drinking-before-lunch-hysterically-sobbing-lunatic whenever I hear one of them yell  "MAMA!!!" for the seventeenth time in 3.8 minutes.

Ok, I'm glad we understand each other now.

Now that THAT'S out of the way, I can tell you that cj's tastes run toward Disney - Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Little Einsteins pretty much exclusively.  Considering one of those shows is on pretty much 24/7, I'm usually covered every time I need a babysitter little tv time for him.

Except a few weeks ago we switched from DirectTV to cable because it was way cheaper, and I'm all about cheap.  I'm also fairly resistant to change not familiar with the channel lineup yet, and I really needed to plant cj in front of the tv for a minute this morning while I  went online to find out what was wrong with Ameilia's baby on Private Practice OMG It. Doesn't. Have. A. Brain!!!! I did some important household chores, and I couldn't find the Disney Channel, so I turned on Backyardigans instead.

"Here ya go, cj!  Sit down here and watch tv for a little while so Mama can, umm, get some work done, ok? Mama has a new show for you!  You're going to love it!"

Then I sneaked away to the office and started Googling "Private Practice" like my life depended on it.

I was deeply engrossed with reading feedback from the previous night's episode - which I will watch at some point in my future, like maybe when the boys are in bed, or maybe in college - when I heard cj's voice from the living room.

"Aww, he likes it," I thought, smiling to myself.  "He's singing along." I was mentally filing  Backyardigans away as a potential future babysitter when I heard his voice getting louder and louder and louder.

Deciding I needed to check it out, I walked into the living room where I found him, face pressed up against the tv screen and saying, ok, muttering "StopSingingStopSingingStopSingingStopSingingStopSingingStopSingingStopSingingStopSingingStopSingingStopSingingSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGINGSTOPSINGING" over and over and over, sort of like a crazy person.

"Cj, honey, are you ok?" I asked cautiously.

He turned around to face me, his adorable little face scrunched up in what I can only describe as rage and said, "Mama. Dat. Yellow. Tow (cow). Won't. Stop. Singing.  Make. Him. Shut. Up."

"Oh, I think it's a hippo?  Maybe?  Named Tasha?  And she's definitely a girl, I think?" I answered.

"SHUT. HIM. UP. NOW. TURN. OFF. US'S TB. NOW. MAMA!" he demanded, teeth clenched, anger nearly radiating off him.

 Sort of afraid not to, I quickly grabbed the remote and turned the tv off.  Cj immediately transformed - a la Jeckell and Hyde - back to his sweet little self, and was playing, laughing and talking within minutes.

Later when I put him down for a nap, I spent an hour or so memorizing the Disney channel lineup for cable.

I'd hate to see what would happen if I accidentally showed him an episode of Wonder Pets or something.

Changing Channels.

I know that I've been going all Laura Ingalls up in here lately with all my nostalgic I'm-a-farmgirl posts, but  really, this is a good story.

Bear with me.  Really.  It's pretty good.

So, there was no cable tv where I grew up, and only the rich-ish families had a satellite dish.  My friend Karen had a satellite dish, but aside from that, most of the people I know had tv antennas.  And two channels.  Three if the weather was clear.

The entire process of changing the channel was a pretty intense one where we lived.  See, we lived down in a valley, which going forward in this post will be referred to as a "holler."  Down in the holler, tv reception was not great, and the tv antenna had to be turned a particular way in order to get the best reception for each individual channel.  Are you following me?    Due to the arrangement of our living room, it took no less than three people to turn the antenna and have it stop in the correct place.  Here's how it played out.

PLACEMENT:

Person 1: In front of the tv
Person 2: Across the room by the picture window.
Person 3: Outside the house by the antenna.  Has a view of Person 2 through the window.

Here, let me draw you a picture.

I'm sure that cleared everything right up, eh?

Anyway, changing the channel was a dance that had to be perfectly synchronized.  If P3 was turning the antenna too quickly, it was impossible for P1 and P2 to relay the information in time.  If P1 was too slow in telling P2 to tell P3 to stop turning the antenna, the sweet spot would be overshot.  P2 had to balance  a fine line between the two.

It was quite hard, and explains why I spent many of my childhood evening watching T.J. Hooker instead of Moonlighting, which was clearly a better show.  Clearly.

I was thinking about this the other day, and it made me realize that my kids would probably never ever see a tv that did not have 100+ stations, a remote control and some sort of built in guide mechanism.

 By the time they're teenagers, our televisions (and all our other appliances as well) might be voice activated, like "TV, turn on Dukes of Hazard," or whatever your preference is.  That just happens to be my preference.  So there.  Anyway, there are a lot of things my kids won't ever know about, like rotary telephones that actually had to be plugged into a phone line, or a car with crank windows, or air that you can actually breathe.

There are times when I get nostalgic for things from my childhood.  But then I just Google them on my iPad, and all is good again.