On Boston.

The first national tragedy I remember was the Challenger explosion.

I was 12.

The image I saw play over and over on tv that morning is burned into my brain.

I remember thinking about it for days, weeks even.  I may have obsessed over it a little bit, watching all the tv specials and reading all the magazine articles about the astronauts aboard, about o-rings and solid rocket boosters and about a million other things that I couldn't really understand, but felt like it was my duty to KNOW.  But then time passed, and life went on.

When I was 16, Operation Desert Shield became Operation Desert Storm, and for the first time in my generation, our country was officially at war.  I remember wondering "Well, what do we do now?"  I was supposed to go on a date with my boyfriend later that day, my sister and I had planned a weekend shopping trip, but I didn't know if those things were... appropriate now that my country was at war.  Does life go on when unspeakable things are happening so close to home?  I learned pretty quickly, of course it does.  Of course life goes on.

I was an adult, at work when I heard the first news about 9-11.   A bookseller rushed in right before opening time, insisting that we all turn on the tv in the break room so we could watch it unfold.  I was super responsible, and this bookseller was prone to grand exaggeration, so I ignored her pleas.  It wasn't until I opened the store and NO ONE came in, no one for hours, that I finally gave in to the fact that this was a big deal and let the staff catch up on the news.  I remember thinking, "Well, what now?"  Do I let staff members leave?  Keep going on business as usual?  This was a big deal of a thing, and I didn't know how to respond to it.  But I tried to keep it to business as usual, as much as possible anyway, because life goes on.  Of course it does.

When hurricane Katrina hit and the reports started rolling in, I was pregnant with Zachary.  I laid in bed for days, literally unable to move away from watching all the stories unfold about acts of bravery, lives lost, and unspeakable horrors that people so close to my home were experiencing.  I wondered at the insanity of bringing a child into a world where these things were happening.  I watched as the news stories slowly transitioned to what seemed to be PR pieces, and the thought of Harry Connick, Jr. in a rowboat pretending to "rescue" people while his camera crew trailed along filming it still makes me want to search him out and punch him in the photo op.  Then eventually, I dragged myself out of bed and got on with the business of living my life and getting ready to have a kid.  It's just life.  And it goes on.

Since then there have been tragedies on top of tragedies.  Bombings, school shootings, it's all become so... commonplace.  The Newtown school shooting left me reeling for weeks, but I pulled it together and did all the things I was supposed to be doing, because life just keeps going.

In recent years, I've been turning to social media more and more to get my information, and the Boston Marathon bombing yesterday was no exception.  My first inkling that there was something going on came via this tweet from Runner's World Magazine:

And honestly, it didn't really register much at first.  Stuff seems to blow up every day.  There's always an emergency or a tragedy or an... event of sorts that everyone gets all excited about for about a minute, then we never hear about it again.  

But within a few minutes, I could tell this was one of the real ones.  My Twitter stream, then my Facebook page started to fill up with information about what was happening in Boston.  I love that social media has made it so easy to get information, often directly from people who are living it, right in the moment.  I hate all the rampant speculation that accompanies it, though.

As a runner myself who hopes to someday run a marathon, this tragedy hit me hard.  I kept reading about runners who, on what should be the proudest moment of their lives, were instead scared, confused, hurt and bleeding.  At least three people have lost their lives. 

As later reports came in, the words "devastating lower leg injuries" and "amputations" were being thrown about, and for a group of elite runners who have spent years training their bodies to run and endure, this seems a particularly cruel and tragic outcome.

My Twitter feed and Facebook page have slowly transitioned from actual news reports to quotes from Mr. Rogers, Gandhi, Jesus and more about forgiveness, and about seeing the good in people in times of adversity, and about coming together as a country.  The topics #runforboston and #raceshirt are trending on Twitter right now, encouraging the world to go on a run in honor of those injured and to wear a race shirt today to show support.

These things may be helpful to others in dealing with this.  We all deal with things differently.  

But right now, as I sit here typing away, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel.  Anger at the evil people in the world who use violence as a tool - definitely.  Sadness for those who are dead or injured - certainly.  Confusion about why these horrible things keep happening - no doubt. 

But as much as I want to sit and read about what's happening and obsess over it some more, the laundry still needs to be done.  Two little boys still need attention and tickles and love.  Dinner still has to be cooked.  Life keeps going. 

Of course it does.

But I still don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it. 

Defining me

Not long ago, I ran into a guy I went to high school with.

We did the awkward "Is it really him/her? Should I say something? Should I not?  What if it's not him/her?" eye contact thing for a while, then finally he walked over and said "I think I went to high school with you."

Whew.  It was him, and thanks to the magic of Facebook connections, I was able to produce his name with only the slightest awkward pause.  "It's Justin, right?" I asked.

We spent a couple a couple minutes catching up in that stumbling, painful way you do with someone you don't know well and really never did know well, and at one point he introduced me to the lady he was with as "his woman."

I swear I could not make this stuff up if I tried.

Anyway, talk came around to work, as it always does, and he asked me the question I typically dread, which is "What do you do?"

"I stay at home with my kids now," I answered.  "But I used to..." I was going to say "manage a bookstore," but for once I stopped myself, because it shouldn't matter what I used to do.   It shouldn't matter that I don't currently have a "real" job.  It shouldn't matter.

But it does.  Just a little.

So instead of finishing my sentence, I smiled at him and inquired after HIS current employment, but I'm sure he was puzzled by abrupt topic change and I wondered later if maybe he thought I was about to say something kind of unsavory like "I used to be a $10 hooker,"  or "I used to be in prison for smuggling mink coats out of the country," or "I used to be a Republican" or whatever other distasteful thing he might dream up about my illusive backstory.

I wondered why it bothered me.  I told myself that it shouldn't matter, that it DIDN'T matter.

But it does.  Just a little.

Why is it exactly that most of the women I know feel the need to attach labels to themselves, words that describe and words that define them, as if their actual BEING here wasn't enough?  I don't know any men who share this affliction.

Women I know also have a tendency to attach the word "too" to every label they assign themselves - too fat, too short, too poor, too shy, too smart, too dumb, too talkative, too... whatever.  It's sort of like every woman I know is somehow trying to smush down the very essence of what makes her unique.

So not only does the why of labeling escape me, but the how is troublesome as well.

If I feel the need to define myself, should I do it based on what is the most important to me?  If so, I'm a mama, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend.

Perhaps I should define myself based on the things I do the most often.  If that's the case, I'm a laundress, a chauffeur, a housekeeper, a teacher and a short-order cook.

Maybe I should define myself based on my favorite hobbies.  That makes me a runner, a reader, a writer, a quilter, a gardener, a nerd and a crafter.

Or maybe I need to start letting go of these labels altogether, and realize that I am all those things and a  thousand more.  There are days that I am more some, days that I am more others, but it all comes together into one giant, imperfect, inexact, wonderful, messy, blessed creation that is uniquely,  singularly, and mostly harmoniously... me.

I'm just me.

And that's enough.

Mostly.

Vine: My latest social media obsession.

Really it's no secret that I probably ok, ok, DEFINITELY spend too much time online messing with social media.

"But all my friends live there," she whines."

Also, since R and I bit the bullet and got iPhones a few years back - something we both SWORE we didn't want and wouldn't do, by the way - it's POSSIBLE  that MAYBE I spend just a LITTLE too much time with it.

Oh, who the hell am I trying to kid?  My iPhone and I?  We're besties.  We're inseparable.  We're soul mates.  You won't get it away from me until you pry it from my cold, dead hands.  And even then, I'm planning to try to hold on to it so I can take it with me into the afterlife.

Heaven without my iPhone sounds a little too much like the other place, if you know what I mean.

So anyway, I'm now freely admitting to you that I know I have a problem.

"Hi, I'm mj, and I'm addicted to my phone."

"HI MJ!"

You would think that knowing is half the battle, and that I would limit myself, especially when it comes to getting addicted to new, interesting time-suckers.

But no, I'm not strong enough for that.

I first heard about vine on my Instagram feed, where all my bloggy friends were joking that they had crashed this new video app.  Ok, really, most of the people I follow aren't really my friends.  I just kind of stalk them a little bit.  They don't seem to mind, though.  Really.  I've only been blocked by a FEW of them.

Ahem.

I immediately downloaded it.

Because, you know, all the cool kids were doing it.

And I fell in love with it.   BIG SURPRISE!  MJ LOVES TIME-WASTING SOCIAL MEDIA!!!

But for real, it's cool.  It allows you to record video snippets that are a maximum of six seconds each.  You can either record it all at once, or you can start and stop, start and stop, start and stop, as many times as you want for the entire six seconds.

It's SO. MUCH. FUN.

Here's Cooper ready to blast off in his cardboard box rocket ship.

An impromptu storytime led by Zachary.

Some semi-impressive flying side kicks.

And this?  This is proof that my drinking is totally justified.

So yeah.  Now in addition to Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest, I've got yet another time-waster to enjoy.

And I highly recommend it.

Seriously, go download it.

Oh, and don't forget to follow me :) 

Competition.

A few weeks ago, I sent my friend Natalie a text:

"I'm pretty sure I pulled something in my leg while I was running today, but I had to keep going because I'm in a competition with someone."

Her response? 

"Someone imaginary or someone real?

Sad that I had to ask."

Ah, she knows me so well.

"Well, he's REAL," I responded.  "He just doesn't exactly know that we are in a competition.  It's some dude I went to high school with who was kind of a jerk to me.  He keeps posting his runs on Facebook, so every time he does, I have to run more miles plus faster than he did."

A few minutes later I texted her again.

"Oh great.  Now he's started 'liking' my runs on Facebook.  I think he's on to me."

Natalie answered, "Oh my.  Please don't break yourself.  Also, don't accidentally friend his wife."

ME: "Well, maybe she runs, too, and I can compete with her.  Secretly, of course."

Natalie: "NO NO NO!!! Step away!  You may not stalk people and run 5ks with them without their knowledge!"

It's sound advice, I guess, but then who would I compete with?   

The danger of Facebook stalking.

Hmm... it's Thursday afternoon, I really should be doing laundry, but instead I think I'll just sit down here and log into Facebook for a minute...

2 hours and 37 minutes later...

Oh, I know her!  She was my 7th grade English teacher!  She hasn't changed a bit!  Let's just see who all she's friends with.  Oh I know him!  We went to elementary school together!  Wow, time hasn't really been kind to him, huh?  And look at his cousin.  He was always nice to me.  It's unfortunate about his teeth... Oh, and there's that girl.  I'm so glad she finally got out of jail.  Oh, and look at her!  I think that's the niece of  the guy I dated in high school.  Wonder what he's up to these days?  Oh look, his wife!  I'll just click on over here and see what she's...

YOUR FRIEND REQUEST HAS BEEN SENT.

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!  PANIC!  PANIC! PANIC!  NONONONONONONONONONO!  UNDO! HOW DO I UNDO THIS?  THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!  OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!  WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?  THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!  NO!  NO!!! I NEED TO UNSEND THIS RIGHT NOW!  HOW DO I UNDO?  THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!  OH MY GOD!  HOW DO I UNSEND?!?!  OH, THERE IT IS, I'LL JUST...

YOUR FRIEND REQUEST HAS BEEN ACCEPTED.


Oh.  Well then.  That's just strange.  Why would she accept?  We don't really know each other.  Well, maybe she thinks I have some ulterior motive.  I'll just sit here and wait for a "What the hell do you want from me?" message.


1 hour and 12 minutes later...


Ok, she hasn't sent me a message.  I wonder if I should acknowledge that I friended her by accident?  I'm not sure what the proper Facebook etiquette on this is.  I'll ask Natalie.  She knows about stuff like this.  I'll text her and see what she says.


Me: So... I accidentally just friended someone on Facebook that I was stalking.  Very awkward.  How should I proceed?


Natalie:  Guy or girl?
Is it somebody you know?

Me:  Girl.  The wife of someone I used to date.  She probably knows who I am but we have never met.

Natalie:  She will just think you are one of those weirdos who friends everybody you have ever heard of.  If she has any sense she will ignore you and you can continue stalking.

Me:  Oh no.  She already accepted.  Now what?  Do I acknowledge that I'm a weirdo stalker, or just ignore it?

Natalie:  Never acknowledge.  NEVER acknowledge.  Ignore.

Me:  I think I'm going to go delete my account now.   Goodbye.

And THAT is why you should never Facebook stalk someone from your own account.

"Hey, honey, what's your Facebook password?"

The one where purchasing an iPhone is a money saving venture. Sorta.

I love my iPhone.  I may have mentioned it occasionally.  I'm not entirely sure how I managed to survive the first 36.57 years of my life without one.  

It tells me which direction to go when I'm lost.

It tells me how many calories to eat.

It tells me what groceries I need to buy. 

It tells me the weather.

It allows me to set my DVR to record, even if I'm sitting miles away at a restaurant and I suddenly remember that I haven't set up to record the season premiere of American Idol.

It allows me to stay connected to Facebook and Twitter, 24/7.

It can even make phone calls!  

I sleep with it.  I take it to the bathroom with me.  I never, ever, ever put it down.

My iPhone and I, we're besties.

But in the spirit of saving a few dollars here and there, I also use my Phone for some serious couponing. I mentioned before that Kroger, my grocery store of choice, has an app that lets you load coupons directly from your iPhone onto your Kroger card.  You can do this in the store, even.  Last week when I was doing the grocery shopping, I loaded $5.75 in coupons from my phone to my card as I was shopping.  Every little bit helps pay for my data plan, ya know...

There are also several other apps that I use regularly to help me save a few bucks.  Here are some of my favorites:

RedLaser - this app uses your iPhone camera as a barcode scanner, then goes out searching for better deals on what you just scanned.  Lemme give you a for instance.  When I was Christmas shopping, I used it to scan a particular toy that I was looking at for zj.  The app searched both online and in nearby retail stores and told me to get myself in my car, drive myself up the street to Target, and save $10 on it.  Pretty nifty.

The Dealmap - this app uses some sort of magical GPS mojo to know what you are near, and it searches for coupons at restaurants and retailers near you.  Today I found a 20% off coupon for your entire purchase at Michael's, and a buy one get one free deal at Subway.

GeoQpons - this is another magical app that knows where you are and finds coupons for you to use.  Some currently features deals are a coupon for 25% off at The Children's Place and $7 of an oil change at Jiffy Lube.  Really, there is never any reason to pay full price for anything.  Except maybe your iPhone.  You'll probably have to pay full price for that...  Anyway, moving on...

Cellfire - you can use this app in conjunction with your loyalty savings card at approximately 30 grocery chains.  You can register your loyalty card to the app, and download coupons directly onto your card from the app.  I see a future that does not contain paper coupons at all.  Yes, I'm psychic.  It's just one of my many talents.

foursquare - Ok, this one isn't exactly a coupon app.  It's more of a social networking meets GPS kind of thing.  Think Facebook places, where you can check into different venues, but WAY cooler.  I mention it because I have probably used this one more than any other for money saving purposes.  When we were Christmas shopping, RJ and I went to an outlet mall, and about 1/3 of the stores offered some sort of discount just for checking in there.  We saved 10-25% off at most of the stores we shopped in by opening foursquare, checking in, then showing the cashier the coupon code on the screen of our phone.  Also, some places offer special deals to the Mayor of their location.  The Mayor is the person who has checked into that venue the most.  For example, Rally's offers a free milkshake to the Mayor every day, and Pizza Hut offers a free large order to the Mayor with each pizza purchase.  I say if you're going to go there anyway, at least get all you can out of it...

Whew!  It's been fun, but I'm tired.  I have exhausted my bag of money saving tricks, so now you can go back to reading some of the great money-saving blogs out there, and I can go back to posting pictures of my cute kids and writing blog posts about getting drunk.

Facebook - it's not just for stalking your high school crushes anymore.

Ok, so the next time your significant other is all like "What are you doing on the computer?" and you're all like "I'm just checking Facebook" and he's all like "Again? Really?  Are you leaving flirty messages on that bald guy's Wall again?  Get off the *)#&$( computer and do some *(#$(* laundry or something" and you're all like "Seriously?! You think I'm going to do your laundry now, you &*#*&" and he's all like "Well, you better" and you're all like "I want a divorce" and he's all like "Fine, I don't like your new haircut anyway, and your a$$ is the size of a house" and you're all like "Well, I've been sleeping with the mailman" and he's all like "The mailman is 80 years old" and you're all like "Well, at least he UNDERSTANDS me" and he's all like "What are we fighting about again?" and you're all like "Facebook" and he's all like "Oh, right," instead, you can say, "I'm on Facebook so I can save our family a bunch of money, darling" and he'll be all like "Oh, what a lucky man I am!  You are the sun, and the moon, and the stars. You complete me."  I'm saving relationships here, people.

Or whatever.

But there really is a point to this.  There are ways to make your constant refreshing of your News Feed daily Facebook check-in work for you, and to save you a little money to boot.

For a long time, I only used Facebook to stalk the mean girls from high school and to take secret joy in how miserable they had all become to catch up with old acquaintances.  It was fun for about a minute.

And then I realized there was a whole other (another whole? - I can never remember) use for it.  I began to "Like" some of my favorite businesses and brands, and - AMAZING! - I began to get notifications of sales, deals, coupons, and free samples, right there on my Facebook wall, right between the pictures of somebody's kid and the rants about someone else's politics.

After a lot of trial and error, and Liking and then Unliking? Disliking? many, many, many things, here are a few of the things that I have found to be the most beneficial.  Go Like these things right now.  Thank you.

Hip2Save - From the website of the same name, the Facebook feed is flippin' awesome.  Every day, I get dozens of of links from them to high value coupons, free samples, great online deals and more.  It's a great smattering of things, and most days I use at least a few of the deals they offer up.  I have been signing up for a lot of the free samples listed here lately, and when the samples arrive, they are almost always accompanied by a high dollar value coupon.  Score!

Southern Savers - Dedicated to saving money specifically on grocery/household items, Southern Savers focuses on retailers in... the South.  Although I don't have access to all the stores featured, I do regularly find deals and coupons on things I can use at Kroger and Food Lion, and they also offer a lot of links to free samples.  

Living Rich With Coupons Another great grocery/sample/deal site, this Facebook page is quite a bit more interactive.  Submit deals yourself to share with others, or follow the step by step instructions about how to save big with combinations of coupons, sales, rewards, etc.  

Also, don't forget to go Like the the individual pages of grocery items, retailers, and household items you use regularly.  By doing that, I have scored free fries from Wendy's, free shipping AND 20% off from Kohl's, and a coupon for free chips from Ruffles.  Other great things I've snagged via Facebook include buy one get one coupons from vitaminwater and some free batteries from Energizer.  And that's just the stuff I can remember :)

So go forth on Facebook and Like the hell out of all the stuff that you, well, like.  

It will probably save your marriage.

Next time, I'll help your Twitter addiction become a money-making venture.

Disclaimer: No conversation like the one above has ever taken place at 154 Hidden Court.  But I hear things, ya know, because I live in the world.

The one where I almost got accidentally famous.

A few weeks ago, Angie at The Jammie Girl wrote this post, which I took as the challenge it was meant to be.

So in response, I wrote this post.

In case you can't be bothered to click all those links, the posts were about our redneck roots and families.

Pretty funny stuff.

All true.

Anyway, that was weeks ago.  I went on with my life and gave it not too much more thought at all.

Until yesterday.

Apparently, you never know who might stumble across your blog while Googling "redneck family stories."

I got a Facebook message from my cousin Deb late yesterday afternoon.  Apparently, all my cousins were burning up Facebook and text messaging trying to find out about the new reality show I was going to be on.

Wha?

I forwarded the message to my Sis B, asking her if she could help me decipher.

She called me immediately.   The surprise had been ruined, and my chance at fame, shot to hell with a double barrel 12 gauge shotgun.

My sis B and several of my cousins had been approached by a production company who had run across Angie's post, then read my post, and determined that my redneck family might make for good reality tv.

Why of course it would.

Here is part of the message my Sis B received:

"I am contacting you beacause I am with CMT Television casting and I am trying to cast MJ in a new reality show that documents a family reunion. Please do not tell MJ that I have contacted you because this reunion should be a surprise. The shows description is below.

The hour-long special, hosted by Tom Arnold, will reunite one redneck family with a big-city slicker relative for a family reunion they’ll NEVER forget. If you and your family would like to reconnect Mary Jo with her country roots we can help! 

I would love to chat with you, I am reaching out to your family on Facebook."

Um, yeah.

A whole bunch of my family got the same message.  So did several of my Facebook friends who share my fairly common maiden name, but who were no relation to me or my redneck family.  Bet they were confused.

The funny part, really, is that I was pegged as the city slicker in the family.  My Sis B and I got a good laugh at that, until we tried to think of a more citified relation.  Sadly, none could be found.

 

My Sis B contact the nice CMT lady and let her know that the cat was out of the bag, and my chances of being a reality show star washed away, just like that.

Oh well.  I'd really hate to give up Moon Pies, anyway.  Even for fame and fortune.