Condiments.

My Mama was a kind person.

She spoke kind words about the people she knew, and she seldom had a harsh thing to say about anybody.

Well, mostly.

I did however, on more than one occasion, hear her speak ill of one of my aunts (my daddy's sister - not her own, oh goodness no!) about being stingy.  This stinginess was most evident, apparently, in how my aunt dealt with free condiments in restaurants.

"She goes in restaurants and asks for extra ketchup and mustard and salt and pepper so she can take it HOME with her.  She ain't bought a bottle of ketchup for YEARS.  I ain't never in all my life met somebody so cheap as that," my Mama said.  Many times.

There was also one memorable occasion involving my aunt, an oversized pocketbook and a set of salt and pepper shakers that "fell" in.  I'm not sure my Mama ever quite got over that one.  I'm also pretty sure she never went out to eat with my aunt again after that.

Then last week I decided to skip my normal weekly trip to the grocery.  I was feeling lazy. Every day of the entire week, I guess.  Hey, it happens.  Don't judge.  Some days just aren't bra-worthy.   So anyway, by the end of the week the pantry was missing several vital ingredients for pretty much every recipe in my arsenal.  No tomato sauce? I can't make spaghetti.  No rice?  Can't make any Asian food.  No bread?  Sandwiches are out.  And then I remembered I had some steaks in the freezer and a few wilted potatoes, so it quickly became a steak and potatoes kind of night.

Usually I marinate my steaks in a some soy sauce and garlic and spices for a few hours before throwing them on the grill, but guess what?  I was out of soy sauce.  Oh, and garlic too.  But hey... Here's this old tub of garlic butter from the pizza place, and here are a few little packets of soy sauce from the Chinese takeout we had...

So I created a steak marinade made entirely from stolen restaurant condiments, which I have PLENTY of, by the way.  See the pic above?  It's a little shelf on the door of my fridge, and it's entirely full of little packages ketchup and mustard and jelly and dressings and such that I've "picked up" when I've been out to eat.

RJ proclaimed it the best steak I'd ever made, and I'll have to admit, it was pretty darn tasty.

Once I realized that hoarding free restaurant condiments had become SOP for me, I started to wonder what Mama would say if she could see me now.

I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be entirely kind :)