Bluegrass Cellular Heartland Festival 5k - with Redneck playlist!

I ran another little 5k last week.

Loads of fun.

I wonder why, even though races always seem like torture, I'm constantly looking for the next one?

But this was just a little 5k, just a few minutes from home, and it seemed like a good idea.

The highlight, for me and for the 600+ people who got to experience HIM, was that zj also ran.

For real.

Yes, he's five.

No, he didn't train.

Yes, he finished.

Yes, it was his idea.

No, I didn't make him.

Yes, he was the youngest runner (by two years).

But even though he made MANY fans along the course (RJ ran with him, it's not like we just put him out there alone), and even though I'm one proud Mama, let's get back to ME, shall we?

Here's how it happened.

On the way to the race:  I'm all set.  I'm going to run the entire race to the Footloose soundtrack.  No more rednecky music for me.  Uh-uh.  No way.  This music is upbeat, and fun, and I think it will be perfect 5k music.  Except... maybe I'll just add this one Loretta Lynn song.  And maybe some Tanya Tucker.  And I'm in a bit of a Conway Twitty mood this morning... Ohhh... and some Oak Ridge Boys, too...

Starting Line: On the playlist: When I Die, I May Not Go To Heaven by Tanya Tucker Well, I guess the drawback to running races near home is that you see a ton of people that you recognize but don't really know.  Oh, hi, vaguely familiar and somewhat generic lady with brown hair.  *smile and slight head nod*  And hello to you, random guy who is either the guy who works the window at Chick-Fil-A or the anesthesiologist who gave me a spinal before cj was born.  *nodding, eye contact*  Ah, here we go!

On the playlist: Van Lear Rose by Loretta Lynn  Oh. Dear. Lord. It's freakin' hot.  But not hot enough to say, take off my shirt like that bear guy.  Seriously dude?  You might want to Nair that shit up.  

On the playlist: Trying To Love Two Women by The Oak Ridge Boys  Ok, this is going pretty well.  I'm running fast, making great time, feeling good.  Wowza.  I rock! I am an excellent runner!

Mile One - On the Playlist: Tight Fittin' Jeans by Conway Twitty Ok, this is NOT going well. I started too fast, I have a stitch in my side, and IT. IS. HOT.  I suck at running.  Why am I even here?  It's not even 8 o'clock in the morning, and I'm out here sweating like a whore in church and in a reasonable amount of pain.  Only crazy people do this kind of thing.  Oh wait... I remember now...  Hey, is that guy running SIDEWAYS?  Why yes, yes he is...

On the playlist: Ten Rounds With Jose Cuervo by Tracy Byrd  Ok, that's a much more reasonable pace.  I'm sure to finish by, say, NOON if I can keep this up.  But at least I'm keeping up with that little girl over there.  Awwww... how cute.  She can't be more than nine or ten, and she looks so determined.  How sweet that she's so focused even at that age... HEY! She's passing me.  It's ON now, bitch.

On the playlist: Strawberry Wine by Deana Carter  Whew.  Ok, I passed her.  Snippy little thing.  Who does she think she is, anyway?  Didn't her parents teach her to respect her elders, and to get out of the way when they elbow you pass you?  

On the playlist: Stand By Your Man by the Dixie Chicks  I know this isn't an affluent community or anything, but seriously?  This water from the water station is HOT.  Like, fresh out of the coffee pot hot.  If you can afford water, you can afford ice, people.  Ok, mj, focus on being grateful that you even get water...  Oh, screw grateful. You?  Yes, I'm talking to you.  Go get me a margarita.  Frozen.  Extra salt.

Mile Two - On the playlist: I Walk The Line by the Los Lonely Boys  Oh look, it's Sideways Guy again.  And... he's still running sideways.  But now I can see that it's so he can "coach" that woman through her race, if by coaching, I mean yelling.  And if by race, I mean barely moving.

On the playlist: Jose Cuervo by Tanya Tucker Ok, Sideways Guy.  Give her a break, will ya?  Your woman friend or whatever she is clearly isn't as fit as you, and clearly would like to cut you from groin to nose with a rusty knife.  Let up on her a little bit, ok?  Your constant chant of "Pick it up, PICK IT UP PICKITUP!" doesn't appear to be incredibly motivational to her.  Also, judging from the look on her face, if you happen to live with her you might want to sleep with one eye open tonight.  Just a little advice, dude.  From me to you.

On the playlist: If You're Gonna Play in Texas by Alabama  Hey, there's that little girl again!  I thought I completely incapacitated was well past her by now.  What are you trying to prove, girlie?  Ok, I didn't want to make this ugly, but have you ever pissed off a hot, sweaty, tired redneck before?  Yeah, life lesson time... 

On the playlist: Drinkin' My Baby Goodbye by Charlie Daniels  Almost done.  My time totally sucks.  I'm hot, tired, and grumpy.  Hey!  I just realized that I don't have anything on the race calendar for July.  I'll have to start looking as soon as I get home...

Mile 3 to finish line: Footloose by Kenny Loggins  See, I totally ran a whole race listening to something that's not rednecky country music!  Oh, wait... Hmmm... Well, anyway, I wonder where my kid is?

Super special big shout-out to the fine folks running the race for totally rigging the door prize drawing so zj could win.  I will love you forever for it. 


  1. Come do Disco at the Downs in July - 10K at Churchill in your best disco outfit! :)

  2. @Kim, I've been trying to talk my hubby into that one. It sounds like a ton of fun!

  3. That is uber-cool that they made sure he got a prize for his first-ever race! He'll always remember that, and I bet he'll be a life-long runner :) By the way, I love the "Chic-Fil-A / anesthesiologist guy". Doesn't matter which one he was, he's someone whose work you appreciate and the sight of whom makes you smile. I totally get it!

  4. ZJ is such a sweet little version of you --- I think it's AWESOME that he wanted to run, and did SUCH a good job! You and RJ are setting an excellent example.

    Nair? Nair? NAIR? That's just gross.

    Are you carrying water now that it's so freakin hot?

  5. @Angie - that's EXACTLY what I was thinking. This guy has made me happy at some point, I just can't remember the details :-)

    @Dianna, I haven't braved the heat much. Most of my running has been on the TM lately. But if I go out to run, I will definitely carry water.

    Also, I'm not sure a razor would have done much for this guy. Waxing might have been a better option ;-)


Pin It button on image hover