Zombies are coming!
So I mentioned a couple weeks ago that RJ had made our tv into a magic box so that we could watch shows at will.
Abracadabra! Let's watch The Walking Dead! (Which, by the way, is totally NOT my kind of show. But RJ wants to watch it, so I can make a sacrifice... OMG is she sleeping with HIM? Did you see that?!?!?!? Wow, that guy is a grade-A asshole, I hope he gets zombie-bit. Hmm, that dude is kinda cute, in a totally Sawyer-from-Lost-but-rednecky-kind-of-way. NUH-UH. WHO got killed?)
Well, anyway, marriage is all about compromise, isn't it? So since we've been watching it, I have become just a little bit of a zombie expert. A zombert, if you will, and I like to work my newfound zombie knowledge into casual conversations with friends and family.
"Hey, I just got a great deal on AA batteries, which is awesome, because we will need all that we can get when the zombies come."
"I'm not sure you saw the Kroger sale circular this week, but bottled water is dirt cheap. You might want to stock up. You know, for the zombie apocalypse."
"I'm so glad we know how to can fresh vegetables. I think farm girls like us will have a HUGE advantage when the zombies come."
"I read a really interesting article about superbugs and it turns out that it's really awesome for me that I avoid doctors and haven't had a round of antibiotics since 1991. See, the CDC is predicting a mutant strain of gonorrhea that I believe will turn everyone into zombies, but one Z-Pak should clear that right up for me, since I'm not antibiotic resistant."
"I've really been working on my distance running lately. I think it will come in handy when the zombies come. They're not fast, but they can run FOREVER, you know."
"Hey, that's an awesome sale on shovels. Those flat ones are great for smashing in zombie heads! How much are baseball bats here?"
However, it seems that many of my loved ones are not nearly as concerned about this possibility as I am. When I asked Natalie what her zombie apocalypse plans were, she said "Well, I have two spare water bottles and a roll of duct tape in the basement. Am I prepared?"
Clearly, not everyone is taking this seriously.
Finally I just told her, "Look, when the zombies attack, just get in your car and come to my house. Bring all your guns. And bullets. Don't stop along the way. Got it?"
I'm thinking I may need to go into business getting people ready for impending zombies. I know there's a book out there, but since it seems like nobody's actually taking the advice in it, that's where I would come in.
I could help people gather necessary supplies, train them on how to evade zombies, spar with them so they are ready to fight off the ones who get close, and help them ready their homes (NOTE: cities are bad. Stick to rural areas, and find yourself a two story house, then live upstairs.)
Ok, I'm on this. I'm off to write my business plan. Or maybe to watch another episode of The Walking Dead.
I'm going to call it research.