I'm not a quitter. No, really, I'm not.
Last year at this time, I had just finished running my first 5k, which I promptly followed up with a 10k, then a 10 miler, then a half marathon. There were a couple other races thrown in there too, just for good measure. It was my all consuming passion of the moment.
I started running for all the wrong reasons, promptly became totally addicted to it, and then, as I am prone to do, let it consume my life.
I trained every day.
I had visions.
I had goals.
It was a competition. For goodness sake, it was a RACE!
I was going to be the best overweight middle aged housewife runner on my street!!!! Maybe in my whole subdivision!!!
And then, right in the middle of training for my second half marathon, I hurt myself. And no amount of Tylenol, ice or Ben Gay would allow me to run.
I was off for three months before I even felt like I could sholg (shuffle/walk/jog), I missed my fall half marathon (WHICH I HAD ALREADY PAID FOR BUT I'M NOT BITTER), then it was Thanksgiving, then it was Christmas, then suddenly I wasn't a runner any more.
Because every time I tried to run, I felt like I had lost so much ground. So much stamina. So much speed. And it made me Hulk-Smash angry at myself, because if I can't win then I will just take my toys and go home, thanks anyway.
Then one day a couple months ago, I felt like going for a run. So I put on my running shoes, cranked up my iPod, and I ran. It was just a couple miles, but it felt good. A couple days later, I did it again. And again.
And now I've fallen into a pattern of sorts. I run two or three days a week. Sometimes I run four days a week. Occasionally, it's just one. I run when I feel like it, and I run until I don't feel like it any more.
I think of it kind of like showering. I do it because I should, I never really look forward to it exactly but I always feel better after, and maybe I should do it more often or more thoroughly but what I've found really seems to be working for me and it keeps the stink off, so to speak.
And I think I've accepted the fact that I'm not ever going to be some late to the game extreme super Boston qualifying marathon winner, and I'm ok with that.
I believe what I have found with my running is something called "balance."
This "balance" business has always been something I've heard of, but it was mythical, like unicorns, leprechauns, and the nude cheat code for the Laura Croft: Tomb Raider video game.
It makes me wonder if it would work in other areas of my life, like housework and spending time with the kids and cooking and my new craft obsession and quality time for me and quality time with RJ.
Nah. I think it's just for running.
But that's ok. I'll take it.