"I'm going to be a psychologist," I would tell people. "That way I can figure out all these crazy people I know."
And I stuck with that idea. From elementary school and all through high school, I just KNEW that I wanted to be a psychologist.
|Even at 16, I clearly had all my issues worked out and I was totally ready to |
figure out why everyone else in the world was so crazy.
When I started college, I took a full course load of psychology and English classes right off the bat, totally ignoring those silly little "required" courses like math and history. BOR-RING.
I loved studying psychology as much as I thought I would. But then life happened, and I ended up turning what was supposed to be a "part-time get-me-through-college" job in retail bookselling into a 17 year career.
Oops. Don't you just hate it when that happens to you?
Anyway, fast forward to now-ish. For the last three years I've stayed at home with my kids. Being a full time stay at home Mama was really different for me, but I love every minute of it. However, it has occurred to me a time or a hundred that in one short year Cooper and Zachary will both be in school full time.
And then what?
What will I do all day? Sit on the couch and wait for them to get home from school? Does this mean that when they are both in school that I should look for a "real" job?
I honestly don't know.
I know that if I want to get some sort of specialized training for something, now is the time to do that. But the problem is, I'm not sure what I want to be when I grow up.
I still enjoy reading about psychology, but I'm afraid that ship has sailed. And the only job I've had in my adult life is in retail bookselling, and OHDEARGOD DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK THERE.
On the one hand I am and always have been of the mindset that if I am able to work, then I should work. It's one thing to be raising kids all day, but quite another to lounge about watching daytime tv, eating bonbons and doing my nails. Farm girl mentality and a deeply instilled work ethic run in my veins. On the other hand, I love being home all day, I have enough projects to keep me busy well into the next decade, and the thought of having to go back into the workforce makes me all twitchy and angsty in a way that I haven't been since I DID have to go to work every day.
So maybe I will need to get a job, but a different sort of job where I don't have to deal with people so much. Or at all. Yeah, that sounds about right.
So what kinds of jobs are available for someone who only knows how to sell books but who doesn't want to work in retail? Not a lot, I'm finding.
So I'm kind of stuck. I keep Googling things like "best jobs for introverts where you are only gone from 8:30 am till 2:30 pm so you can get your kids off the bus every day" and "how can I make money while in my pajamas?" That last one, it turns out, is totally possible if you're not picky about things like who your clientele is and the occasionally STD.
I looked at paralegal training, and I think I would enjoy the research/writing part of that, except - HELLO! LAWYERS! and I looked at getting a real estate license because I can and have spent about a million hours looking at houses for sale, just because I like houses, and because the hours can be super flexible, but I'm not sure a totally commission based job is really my thing. Plus, I'm kind of done with selling stuff to people.
I guess the other thing I should point out is that this isn't really a decision that is based around a financial need. We are very fortunate that our bills are small, we've made a few smart (and a few lucky) choices with our money over the years, and R's salary more than covers our family's needs. No, this is really all about how I feel about what I SHOULD be doing, even if it's not necessarily what I WANT to be doing, if that makes any sense at all. I'm a duty fulfiller, remember?
So anyway, here I sit, thirty-something (ok, ok, nearly forty) years old, trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up.
And I still don't have a clue.