Happy Mother's Day... To Me!

Mother's Day is this weekend, I just realized.

Oops.

I'm really not great at keeping up with holidays like this.  You know, the ones that pertain to me.  Celebrating myself is not something I've ever really been comfortable with.

But it's Mother's Day, and I'm a mama.

You know, I was never really sure being a mama was something I wanted. When I was a kid I always said I didn't want kids of my own because they were so much trouble.

When I was a teenager, I said I didn't want kids because I wanted to have a big fancy career, and I didn't think kids would fit into that.

Even as an adult, I wasn't sure I wanted kids because I was self-aware enough to know that I was horribly selfish with my time and resources, and I knew all that would change if I had kids to take care of.

Even after R and I decided to start a family, I put all kinds of qualifiers on what I wanted. I wanted a girl.  Just one, of course.  I wanted a cute, smart, well-behaved girl who would leave me alone for long stretches of time, who would read books and sit tidily and not make messes or be loud or have meltdowns.

Instead, I got not one but two crazy-loud, smelly, dirty, noisy, rambunctious, superhero-loving, cape wearing, couch jumping, mess making, meltdown having, boys.

And I couldn't be happier.

I always knew my life would change when I had kids.  What I didn't know was that these two little boys who basically amount to a bunch of loud covered in dirt, would change ME so profoundly.

Oh, but they have.

Since these boys became mine and I became theirs, I've not only learned to put their needs above mine, I've learned that I WANT to.

I've never been one to really speak up for what I want for myself, but if my boys want something I've learned to make darn sure they are able to do it, even if it's uncomfortable for me.

I've basically given up the concept of "me-time," opting instead to read one more story, play one more game, give one more tickle, clean up one more crumb.  

I've learned about superheroes and Pokemon and Beyblades and pirate ships and sharks and airplanes and outer space, and I've learned to play rough and tumble and messy, dirty things with wild abandon.

I've learned to relax when they climb things and jump off of things and tussle and rumble and fight.  They come out of it unscathed, so why shouldn't I?

I've learned to jump in the puddles instead of always walking around.  It's much more fun to go through, of course.

I've learned the true meaning of "mama bear mode."  NOBODY messes with my boys.  Nobody.

I've learned to be silly.  I've learned to laugh at messes instead of cry.   I've learned patience far beyond what I ever thought I would need to have, and I'm still learning more about that, every day.

I've learned to let more things go that don't matter, in order to make time and room for the things that do.

And I've learned the true meaning of total unconditional love and complete acceptance of another human being, both given and received.

And I've learned that that's what really matters.

Happy Mother's Day to me.