Instant karma.

I drive like a little old lady.

I always obey every traffic law, never go over the speed limit, feel like a rebel when I occasionally turn right on red, and get in the lane I'm by-God going to need to be in and stay there.

I also prefer not to make left turns and carefully map out my trips and errands so as to avoid crossing the street as much as possible.

Oh, and I have a pretty low tolerance for anyone who does not drive just like me.  Pass me on the right when I'm CLEARLY doing ALMOST the speed limit?  The Fist gets shaken at you, and shaken hard.  Don't use your turn signal EVERY SINGLE TIME?  It's the Fist of Rage for you.

I'm super popular on road trips.

Anyway, the other day I was heading out with cj to run few errands, and as I was driving down the small rural road we live on, I met a garbage truck.

Now for you city slickers that's probably not a huge deal.  You just switch lanes and go on about your business.  But out in the country with our super narrow two lane roads, you sometimes - ok, usually - have to stop and wait for the guys to get the trash all dumped into the truck and then take the trash cans back across the street to the proper place.

On this particular day, however, coming up behind me at great speeds as I stopped to wait for the garbage men to finish their task, was the A$$hole.

Just in case this doesn't make any sense at all, from a logistical standpoint, I drew you a lovely picture:

It's totally clear now, I'm sure.

Anyway, as I sat and waited for the garbage men to take the cans back across the street, I could see the A$$hole in my rearview mirror.  He appeared a bit put out at having to stop, where by "a bit put out" I mean he was screaming and gunning his engine and riding right up on my back bumper.

Wow, dude.  I have places to be, too.  The difference between you and me though?  I left on time.  Not my problem that you're running behind.

So, the garbage truck moved on, and I resumed my drive - at the speed limit, of course, and the A$$hole is riding my bumper the whole way.

I tapped my brakes a couple times, quite politely, of course, to let him know I was uncomfortable with his following distance.

The yelling and engine gunning continued.

Dude, the 6 cylinder engine in your 10 year old SUV doesn't exactly elicit a fearful response on my part.

Then, as I approached a stop sign, I actually had the audacity to come to a COMPLETE stop.   It was too much for the A$$hole, who, with a final gunning of engine, went around me at the stop sign and took off like a bat out of Hell to whatever place was so important.

I continued on my way, thinking a few unkind thoughts about him as I drove along.  A few miles down the road, I saw some flashing lights on the side of the road.  Immediately thinking accident, I slowed down and carefully and cautiously approached.  As I got closer, I could see that it was a police officer who had someone pulled over.

Then I saw the car.  Could it be?  Would it be?  Really?  Oh yes.  It was the A$$hole, pulled over on the side of the road,  hopefully probably getting a ticket for speeding or reckless driving or general A$$hole behavior.


Yeah, it's a bitch.


  1. That is so awesome - it would have made my entire day. Every time I encounter some a$$hat on the road doing something stupid and dangerous I look around me in hopes that there will be a police officer ready to pull them over and give them a nice expensive ticket for being an idiot. But I've never actually seen it happen. This gives me hope :)

  2. Lucky! I never get the satisfaction of a cop being around "when you need one"!!! So happy for you :)

    ~Janet (forgot my stupid password on this computer)

  3. If you're going to drive that slow, for the love, please stay out of the left lane (particularly on the Dixie) until you're within a half mile of turning left.

    That said, SUV guy was indeed an ass; and I do use my turn signal (almost) every single time.


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