4/08/2011

Even Meth Heads watch movies.


Tuesday was RJ's day off from work, and possibly because I have been sorta grumpy lately he and the boys stayed home and I went out to "run errands," even though we both knew I had no real errands to run.

I got my Route 44 unsweet tea, extra ice from Sonic, wandered around Target for an hour, wandered around Kohl's for an hour trying on things I would never in a million years buy, and made a quick stop at the liquor store.   Not once did I have to wipe any bodily fluids off anyone.  

It was like Heaven.

My last stop of the day before heading home was to drop a movie off at the Redbox.  RJ had a free code and had brought home Due Date, which I would like to point out we had not really watched.  We just like to rent movies and pretend we are not too old to stay up past 9:30 to watch them.   

As I walked up to the Redbox, I noticed something strange - a line.  At the Redbox.  Ok, I have time, I'll just queue up and wait.

Directly in front of me was a young boy, 14 or so, who was bouncing from one foot to the other and looking decidedly nervous.  In front of him and at the Redbox was a woman who could kindly be described as a crack whore.  Or a meth head.  Or whatever.  I'm not totally up on all the cool drugs, not since that one time I tried sniffing Coke and the ice cube got stuck up my nose.  Anyway, she was high on something, and she was PISSED.

She alternated between yelling into her cell phone, punching random buttons on the Redbox, and yelling at the Redbox.  Occasionally she would also kick and/or slap the Redbox for good measure, too.   The kid on front of me bounced faster and faster and looked everywhere except Meth Head, which I assume would be difficult, considering her underpants (and lack thereof)  were totally visible through all the rips in the ass of her pants.  

Yell.  Punch buttons.  Kick.  Yell some more.  Punch the same buttons again, but harder.  Surely that will yield a different result!

I was getting ready to turn around and walk away to find another Redbox somewhere, and the kid in front of my was now bouncing so high from foot to foot that  thought he might take off into space when, in a moment of semi-coherence, I heard her say to her phone, "What effing kind of Redbox doesn't effing have effing Due Date?"

Hmmm...

Now I'm no rocket scientist, but since I was standing in line holding Due Date, and Crack Whore wanted to rent Due Date, it stood to reason that after I returned it, it would be available...  Hmmm...  

"Excuse me." I whispered.

Nothing.

"Excuse me." I said, a little louder.

No response.

"EXCUSE ME!" I yelled in my best I'm-The-Mama-And-You'd-Better-Sit-Down-And-Listen-Up-And-Listen-Good Voice.

Meth Head/Crack Whore turned around to see what could possible be making so much noise. 

I waved the DVD in her general direction.   "I'm getting ready to return a copy of Due Date when it's my turn."

Blank stare.

"After I return it, it should be available for you to rent." I hope.  Oh well, I'll be long gone by then if it doesn't work out.

Slowly I could see the wheels turning in her brain.  Was I a threat?  No.  Was I a cop?  No.  Was I trying to steal her stash? No.  Did I have something she wanted?  Maybe.

At this point, the kid stopped bouncing and looked at me as though I was a savior.  Or a giant pizza with pepperoni and extra cheese.  Whatever.  He was happy to see me.  "Why don't you go ahead of me and return your movie so she can rent it?"  He was practically begging.

At this point, Crack Meth Head Whore looked a little suspicious.  And very dirty.  Whatever.  Were we trying to gang up on her?

"Look," I said, opening the case.  "This is the movie you want, right?"

She nodded slowly, blood-shot eyes darting back and forth.

"So let me return it, then you can rent it."  I was careful not to make direct eye contact.

She nodded slowly again, then immediately morphed into a completely different drug addict.

"OH MY GOD! YOU WOULD DO THAT FOR ME? YOU'RE GOOD PEOPLE.  THERE AREN'T A LOT OF GOOD PEOPLE LEFT AND YOU ARE ONE OF THEM.  YOU ARE WILLING TO HELP ME OUT AND NOBODY IS EVER WILLING TO HELP ME OUT - WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"

"Jennifer,"  I lied.

"WELL JENNIFER, YOU ARE A TRUE FRIEND."  At this point, there were big tears in her blood-shot eyes and her too-thick mascara was beginning to run down her meth-sore marked face.  

Awesome.

I made the druggie cry.

I sort of stepped around her as she continued to tell me I was nicer to her than her own family - imagine that - and quickly returned my movie.

I said, "Well, there ya go.  Hope you like it!"  and briskly walked away before she could ask me for my number.

As  I was walking away, I made pointed and direct eye contact with the kid, who was STILL in line.  "Get away now.  I'm not sure if this will work," I said with my mind powers.  He seemed to get it, and turned and followed me back toward the parking lot.

I got in my car and started to drive away, but my nosy nature got me, and I found myself slowly driving by the Redbox.  There stood my Meth Head Friend, movie in hand, looking like she had won the lottery.  Or scored a hit.

Either way, I had done my good deed for the day.

I wonder what "Pay it Forward" means to a Crack Whore?




www.kludgymom.com

6 comments:

  1. True story??!?!

    Wow. It's almost too bizarre to have been made up!!!

    Glad you got out of there safely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, totally true. And totally bizarre. Thanks for stopping by!

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  2. No way. That's so weird! I'm not sure I'd have been brave enough to let her know I had the movie she wanted.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brave isn't really my thing, usually and I've been known to avoid awkward situations in at least seven states... But for some reason, it seemed like the thing to do. Thanks for stopping by!

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  3. Ok, first of all...I totally get killing time by cruising through Target and Kohls. Somedays you just gotta get away, even if you don't have anything to do. I do need to find out what a Route 44 tea is though.

    Anyway, your Redbox story was hilarious. I loved the part where you showed her the DVD to get her to trust you. Great story telling!

    Stopping in from Kludgy Mom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A Route 44 unsweet tea from Sonic is nectar of the gods. It's 44 ounces of dark, strong iced tea, poured over the little pellet ice that is so good and crunchable, and it's served in a foam cup so it stays cold ALL DAY LONG. I'm addicted.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Delete

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