Spring Time Scramble 5k - With Complete Redneck Playlist!

So this morning, I got up out of bed at the buttcrack of dawn, got dressed and went to a local park with about 175 other crazies, where we ran 3.1 miles, chasing each other, sweating, cussing, and trying to cross a little line ahead of as many other people as possible.

It was loads of fun.

This race was lots of fun for lots of reasons.  1.  It was a 5k.  Since I've done a 10 miler and have a mini marathon coming up, it wasn't too terribly taxing.  2.  Since it was local, my family was there.  Two of my cousins even walked it!  Good job, you!  3.  It was small.  With only 175 or so people participating, it was minus the large crowds that I HATE at some of the other races I've been at.  4. It was local.  I live in a bit of a small town, so races here are few and far between, and I didn't have to drive for an hour to make it to the starting line.

Anyway, I gave a play-by-play of my last run, the Papa John's 10 Miler, and since it was met with a wildly positive response (i.e., at least 5 people read it, and one person read it twice) I thought I'd give you a rundown of my run today.  This time, with complete Redneck Playlist.

Clearly, It's your lucky day.

And away we go...

On the playlist: Queen of Hearts by Carlene Carter What a beautiful morning!  The birds are singing, the weather is beautiful, the flowers are blooming, my kid is over there waving at me... It's a great day for a run.  I'm pretty sure I can beat her, and her, and her, and her...

On the playlist: Whole Lot of Shakin' Going On by Jerry Lee Lewis  Ok, running in grass - not cool.  There must be moles in this park.  Or hippos.  They burrow underground, right?   Whew.  The lady in front of me with the disproportionately large rear end looks like she's about to bounce right outta her pants.  Hey!  She's in FRONT of me.  Not cool.  At. All.

On the playlist: Bringing Out the Elvis In Me by Faith Hill  Can't.  Breathe.  Stupid.  Flowers.  And. Trees.  And.  Their.  Stupid.  Blooms.  Stupid.  Pollen.  Can't.  Breathe.  Must slow down.  Too crowded through here with people and I need to hock up some crap, which is totally unattractive and best done in private.  Whaddya think you're looking at, dude?  Never seen a cute girl hock and spit before?  You must not be from around here, then.

On the playlist: He Drinks Tequila & She Talks Dirty In Spanish Ok, that's a mile.  Two more to go.  Hey, this isn't bad at all!  Except for the hills.  And the grass.  And the not being able to breathe.  But other than that, it's totally fun!  Why are all the women running here so tall?  And why do they all have the same short, super-gelled, spiky haircut?   No, go on by me lady.  I'm afraid you'll cut me with your hair if I don't get out of your way.

On the playlist: Poor Me, Poor Me, Pour Me by Trick Pony  Did I turn on the wrong playlist?  It this my "Songs to Get Drunk To" playlist?  Nah, It's just that pretty much all country music is about drinking...  Ok, concentrate, mj.  Focus.  That really old power walker guy with the florescent yellow shirt that says "Jesus walked for me so I'll walk, too!"  keeps getting further ahead of you.  Yes, his legs are taller than your whole body, but he must be at least 80.  Dig!  You can surely pass him...

On the playlist: Bubba Shot the Jukebox by Alan Jackson Ah, the water station!  Apparently 80 year old power walkers don't need water to survive, so he's long gone now.  Oh well.  Hey, I'm not totally sure which way to go  through here...  That way looks shorter, though.  Oh, stop looking at me like that, lady.   You totally know you want to cut through there, too.  Ok, FINE!  I'll go around.

On the playlist: Boot Scootin' Boogie by Brooks and Dunn  Two miles in - this is practically over.  I'm so bummed that Brooks & Dunn broke up...  Focus, mj...  Hey, there's the 80 year old power walker.  I think I can catch him!  Then, I'm gonna trip him.  I'll push him into the grass though.  I'd hate for him to break a hip on account of little ole me.

On the playlist: Won't Take Less Than Your Love by Tanya Tucker and Paul Overstreet I really expected to see more redneck/white trash types here.  Hey, is that guy CHEWING TOBACCO?  WHILE RUNNING A ROAD RACE?  Yep, feels like home.

On the playlist: Next To You, Next To Me by Shenandoah Hey!  There's the lady with the disproportionately large rear again.  How in the world did she get in front of me again?  And how is it possible that she can run faster than I can?  Whatever.  I'm gonna catch her and beat her, even if I die trying.

On the playlist: Boogie Woogie Fiddle Country Blues by Charlie Daniels  Dying. Dying. Dying.  Damn hill.  Go on lady.  You can have this race, but at least my ass is smaller than yours.  Ha.  Dying.  Stupid hill...  At least I beat the 80 year old power walker...

On the playlist: Ready to Run by the Dixie Chicks The end!  I did it!  I beat my time goal and everything!  I'm so proud of me!  Hey!  Why isn't my family here at the finish line cheering for me?  Is that my kid way down there playing on the swings?  Yep.  Mama gets NO respect...

And next up on the race calendar, the Derby City Mini Marathon.  Should be good times...


  1. Just so you know, I was singing Boot Scootin' Boogie all day yesterday after reading this post. Those few who had any doubts are now SURE I've completely lost my mind. And I'm pretty impressed by the tobacco chewin' runner. I'd have to pass him just to make sure I didn't get spit on.

  2. Oh, I love these race reports!!!!
    Tobacco chewing? Are you sure you were not back in BC?

    I had a ugly fat girl pass me at the PJ 10 miler, in the Park. We were on the back side, where it was downhill. I was like "oh, HELL NO am I getting behind YOU!" So, I took off and passed her. That lasted all of about a 1/3 miles, when we started uphill again. Sigh. HILLS KILL ME!

    No denim girl? Any tats? See any cute gear we MUST have?

  3. @Angie - I was terribly upset when I heard Brooks & Dunn were breaking up. It's like hearing Mama and Daddy are getting a divorce...

    @Dianna, there was MUCH denim, but no skirts. I completely forgot to mention the couple who ran in cut off blue jeans... Sadly, there was not much in the way of gear. At all. There's a 5k in Irvington at the end of May that I'm thinking about doing just because I'm sure the stories would be good :-)


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