Patching boys' jeans - superhero style!

My boys are ROUGH on clothes.  Cheap clothes, expensive clothes, it doesn't matter.  They are rough.

Rough.

I've learned my lesson and now I refuse to spend much on what they wear, instead opting for yard sales and discount stores to stock up on a quantity of what I think of as "disposable" pieces.

This late in the school year, I absolutely REFUSE to buy Zachary anything else to wear. Instead I'm trying to eke whatever usage I can out of the tattered remnants of what he already owns.

The kid grew an inch last month.

I'm just NOT buying new clothes right now.

So anyway, when he burst through the knee of yet another pair of jeans a couple weeks back, I said to myself, "Self, you can totally fix this."

Then I though to myself, "Self, this doesn't have to be any boring old patch.  You can make it a super cool patch - one that won't get your kid beat up on the playground because it's all lame and patchy like."

Pinterest directed me toward a ton of  cute monster face patches, and I would totally do those for Cooper, or myself, maybe.

But Zachary needed something better.  Something different.

So....

TADA!  I used a Batman symbol to patch his jeans.

The process was super easy.  First I found a Batman logo online and printed it out in the size I needed, then cut it out.  Next I used two different shades of denim - one for the background oval and one for the bat itself.  I pinned the paper logos into place on my denim scraps and cut them out.  

I used denim colored thread to hand sew the oval into place, then I sewed the bat over the oval.

When I was stitching the oval in place, I sewed about a quarter inch inside the edge of the fabric so it would fray and look cool after it was washed a few times. 

And guess what?

It did look cool.

These quickly became Zachary's  favorite pair of jeans, and now I can't wait until he rips through another pair so I can do it again.  I'm sure it won't be long.

Maybe next time I'll do Superman, or Green Lantern, or X-Men, The Flash, or Captain America or...

ACK! I can't do my first grader's homework!

In retrospect, kindergarten was a breeze.

For me, I mean.

Zachary didn't start to have regular homework until the last couple months of the school year, and even then it was easy stuff, like word lists and addition and subtraction problems.

But then, first grade happened.

At first when he started bringing regular homework home to complete, I was all cocky and like "Oh, I got this.  It's a piece of cake."  By the way, this is called foreshadowing for you literary types out there. 

As the year has progressed, however, I am learning that maybe I let my arrogance rear it's arrogant big head just a BIT early.

Oh, I can understand his reading homework, and his spelling words... I get that just fine, even though they seem a little advanced for first grade.

But the math?

Uh, not so much.

I was never GREAT at math in school, but I - as a serious Type A overachiever - took it seriously and studied hard and after all, it was pretty straightforward so I made it work.

I'm going to blame my age.  I'm going to blame my upbringing.  I'm going to blame my education.  I'm going to blame everything and everyone that I can think of in order to absolutely, positively NOT own the fact that I am struggling with my first grader's math homework.

And it's not that I'm dumb.  I mean, I did manage to pass AP Calculus in high school.  And I get the basics.  I  can add, subtract, multiply and divide like nobody's business.

But there's something I don't do well at all, and that's anything that's vague.  And this new (to me) math business?  It's nothing but vague.

I could totally handle a couple dozen pages of addition and subtraction worksheets, but OHMYGOD IT'S ALL WORD PROBLEMS ALL THE TIME AND THEY SKIP AROUND SO ONE DAY IT'S FRACTIONS AND ANOTHER DAY IT'S GEOMETRY AND I HAVE TO GOOGLE "WHAT IS A TRAPEZOID?" AND THE NEXT DAY IT'S SOME SORT OF PIE THING THAT YOU HAVE TO CUT APART AND PUT BACK TOGETHER SO THE NUMBERS "SEQUENCE" PROPERLY AND AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Ahem.

So yeah.

It may not be my strong suit.

Zachary (who will be hereinafter known as "THE BRAT") loves it when he has to explain his homework to me.  He will say (all smug-like) "Don't worry about helping me with my math, Mama.  I know it's hard for you.  But don't worry, I can do it without your help."

Brat.

Meanwhile, my mind is usually spinning while trying to figure out why he has three pages of homework that is covered in dominos and dice.  Is this first grade math or Vegas 101?

The next 11 years are going to be long ones, I'm afraid.

Mayberry - the Movie!

Ok, I'll fess up here.

I'm a HUGE Andy Griffith fan.

And that's not just to say I watched The Andy Griffith Showa lot as a kid, although that is true.

No.

I mean I'm a FAN of the showNOW.

I think Sheriff Taylor is fair and smart and handsome, in a big-eared kind of way.

I think Aunt Bee was funny and a consumate hostess, something I constantly strive for.

I think Barney Fife was funny and well-intentioned, even though he managed to screw up nearly everything he touched.  I can truly relate to that.

Anyway, The Andy Griffith Showis good, clean, honest tv, and to this day, I love it.  It speaks to a simpler time, a time I think I would have thrived in.

I've seen every episode dozens of times, though.  A little new content would be nice.

And since movie versions of tv shows are all the rage these days (wasn't Willie Nelson AWESOME as Uncle Jesse in The Dukes of Hazzardmovie remake?) I recently did some research to see if anyone had ever tried to do a remake of The Andy Griffith Show.

Sadly, so sadly, the answer was no.

But not one to be easily discouraged, I decided to help Hollywood out a little bit by taking care of the casting.  Everyone KNOWS casting is the hardest part, right?  So now you don't have any excuses now, do you Hollywood?

I'm going to expect tickets to the premiere, thankyouverymuch.

So, without further delay...

The role of Sheriff Andy Taylor goes to:

Tom Hanks!

But not the newly-old-creepy guy Tom Hanks with the weird little gray mustache.  More like Tom Hanks 10-15 years ago,  around the time of Cast Away. He has proven that he can do both comedy and serious roles with equal measure, and he has the same type of charismatic-yet-not-quite-handsome charm as Mr. Griffith.  Have your people call my people, Tom.  We can get this project off the ground in no time.  

The role of Barney Fife goes to: 

Steve Buscemi!

Ok, I'l be honest.  I was fairly certain that this role would end up going to David Spade, but I just couldn't make it work.  I WANTED it to be him, but it just didn't feel right.  So, enter Steve Buscemi.  He usually plays a totally creepy serial killer type guy, but he has proven that he can do comedy, too (like in The Big Lebowski).Plus, he totally has the look.  Totally.

The role of Aunt Bee goes to: 

Kathy Bates! 

Out of all my very difficult casting decisions, this one was the no-brainer, really.

I think she's perfect, and since this is my fantasy world, that's enough.

The role of Helen Crump goes to:

Sela Ward!

They are both charming and classy in a totally southern way.  Apparently most of the world knows her for the tv show Sisters, but somehow I missed that one.  I do however, watch her nearly every week on CSI: NY.

The role of Thelma Lou goes to:

Andie MacDowell!

She's another kind of non-threatening, southern-charm-laden kind of actress who would fit in well with my made-up cast.  I guess my only concern about her is that she resembles Sela Ward quite a bit.  But then again, Helen and Thelma Lou could have been sisters, so I guess it fits.  

The role of Goober Pyle goes to:

Larry the Cable Guy!

Honestly, I'm not a huge LTCG fan.  Actually, I'm not even a small fan.  But Doofus, meet Doofus.  It's kind of perfect, don't you think?

The Role of Gomer Pyle Goes to:

Randy Travis! 

They both have freakishly large teeth and a beautiful singing voice.  'Nuff said.

The role of Floyd the Barber goes to:

Nathan Lane!

Seriously, could a more perfect casting choice be found anywhere?  I think not.  He's funny and fussy and slightly effeminate, just like Floyd.  They even wear the same glasses, for goodness sake.  It's serendipity.

The role of Howard Sprague goes to:

JK Simmons!

It took me FOREVER to figure out this guy's name.  See, he's in about half the movies I've seen, EVER, but no one ever really remembers him, his roles, or his name.  Which, in my humble opinion, makes him perfect for playing Howard.  Nobody ever remembers him, either.

The role of Otis Campbell goes to:

Troy Evans!

He's another you-know-you-know-this-guy-from-somewhere guy.  I know him best from ER,but he has been in about a million movies and tv shows in his lifetime.  Plus, just slap a hat on him and he's ready to roll as Otis.  They could be twinsies.  

Starring in a brief cameo appearance as Ernest T Bass is:

Jim Carrey!

Of course. 

It has to be a brief appearance though, because I can only handle Jim Carrey in really, really small doses. 

And last but not least, starring as Opie Talyor is:

I have absolutely, positively no freaking clue.  None at all.  And it's not just the red hair that's throwing me off.  I just can't find any happy wholesome child actors out there who would fit the bill.  Most of today's child actors are drug addicts, anorexic and involved in sex scandals before the age of, oh, say 11 or so.  And that just won't do.  It won't do at all.

So help a crazy Andy Griffith fan out, would ya?  Help me find my Opie.  

Who would you cast in this role?

Oh, and by the way, let me know if you think I got the rest of my casting right, too.  

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