A letter of apology to those traveling on I-40 between Knoxville and Asheville last Sunday afternoon

Dear fellow travelers, HELLO! I'm mj.

You may know me better as the driver of the black Mitsubishi Montero with the car carrier on the top who was driving quite erratically down I-40 last Sunday afternoon.

Yeah, I'm really sorry about that.

In my defense, I'm just not a very good driver.

Also, how can ANYONE be expected to drive where there are THREE LANES of traffic going in one direction?  I mean, really, I DON'T HAVE THAT MANY EYES.  How can I look in front of me, behind me AND on both sides of me?!?!?  So if I was in the middle lane, going 15 miles under the speed limit and refusing to get out of my lane FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER, you understand, right?

Plus, we had Cars playing on the DVD player for the boys, so every time I heard a honk, a screech, a siren or a crash from the tv, I OF COURSE assumed it was real and it was directed at me.  I mean, who wouldn't, really? SO occasionally I might have slammed on the brakes at odd times, but THERE WERE CRASHES HAPPENING ALL AROUND ME.  I mean, on the tv.  It was an honest mistake, really.

Oh, and sometimes when I would slow down abruptly and for no apparent reason?  Well, that was just my foot falling off the gas pedal.  Apparently, when you wear size 3 shoes, flip flops make a poor choice for driving long distances, because a) they're slick on the bottom and b) they're too small to rest on the floor of the car AND push the gas at the same time.  Lesson learned.  I promise.

When we were driving through the beautiful and treacherous hills and curves of the Cherokee National Forest, I apologize for driving in the middle of both lanes at 35 miles per hour, but IT WAS RAINING.  I don't like driving in the rain.  It's scary and dark.  And since I don't like it, I find the best defense is to SLOW THE HELL DOWN instead of speeding up and passing on the left, like SOME people (yes, white Hyundai Sonata, I'm looking at YOU).

Also, I was distracted by things far beyond my control, like a four year old boy, plus a seven year old boy.  YOU try driving and screaming at the same time.  It's hard.  And occasionally I had to referee an argument, like when Cooper told Zachary, "Zack, I'm going to punch you in the eye."  When I pointed out that wasn't particularly nice, he amended it to "Zachary, I'm going to tickle you... Till you pee on yourself."  Now how can I be expected to drive AND deal with the likes of that at the same time?

Anyway, we made it, and I didn't run into anybody this time  - CAN I GET A HELL YEAH! - and it's all done with, so I suggest you get your panties out of a wad, tuck your middle finger and your horn-blowing skills back up where the sun don't shine, and accept my apology in the spirit in which it was given.

Have a pleasant day.

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  1. Yikes. I hate driving. Of course, living in New York means that I'm hopelessly out of practice and then when I do have to drive it involves highways.

    1. I hate driving so, so much. But I cannot imagine what driving in New York must be like. I do ok if I'm the only car on the road, but get me in more than two lanes of traffic and I'm hopeless.

  2. Yeah...Cars might not be the best movie to watch during a time like that!!


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