3/13/2012

Where have all the solids gone?

Me wearing my favorite superhero shirt. Better get used to it.


I'm no fashionista.

I rarely accessorize, I dislike shopping for clothes, and practical and comfortable beat stylish and attractive any day.

My tastes lean toward stretchy fabrics in solid colors (ok, in black) that you can mix and match with wild abandon, because, ya know, they're all black.

With that being said, the warm weather clothing situation in my closet is a bit dire at the moment.

I have jeans. Plenty of jeans.  Jeans that fit, even.

And I have a shirt.

Actually, I have more than one, but I have one that is suitable for public consumption.  The rest are stained, ratty, poorly fitting, or sport superhero logos.   And yes, I've been wearing the superhero ones, thankyouverymuch.

This morning, born mainly out of desperation, I ran into Kohl's in the hopes of finding something that would be suitable for the 80 degree weather we are having this week.  It was a Perfect Storm - I had an unused gift card from Christmas and a 30% off coupon, and my needs were simple.  I was looking for:


  • A black tank top to replace one that I lost.  I assume it ran away with the socks.
  • Two or three casual t-shirts or similar that I could wear with all the jeans I have.
  • Maybe one "cute" top to wear with all the jeans I have if I were ever so lucky to go somewhere fun.
Should be easy, no?

Uh, no.

It very quickly became apparent to me that prints were in this year.  And ruffles.  And OMG asymmetry.  Oh, and stuff you can see through.

All of these things were beautiful and feminine and totally NOT my taste.

Um, I'm sure there are people in the world that these kinds of clothes look good on, but I'm not one of them.  At 5'1" and (insert way too much here) mumble-cough pounds, plain, simple and cleancut is a good option for me.  Also, I am, ahem, blessed in certain, ahem, womanly attributes, and frilly makes me look for all the world like some sort of little-girl cosplay porn gone really, really bad.

After searching for what seemed like FOREVER for something to suit my taste, I grabbed a handful of the least frilly, least sparkly, least see-through tops I could find and headed for the dressing room.

I picked up the first one.  It was a lovely shade of teal and only had ONE ruffley bit, which ran from the left shoulder to the right bottom side.  I put it on, looked in the mirror, and OH DEAR GOD WHY IS MY RIGHT BOOB SO BIG?  NO, THE LEFT ONE IS COVERED IN RUFFLES SO IT DOESN'T SHOW, IT'S JUST THE RIGHT ONE!!!

And it went downhill from there.

I left the store with a pair of pajamas for zj (because it's pajama day at school again on Thursday.  Seriously, I think the pj industry is in cahoots with the school board or something because every other week is pajama day and it's not like I'm going to send him to school in his old ratty ones with a hole in the crotch) and nothing else.

So I guess I'm going to hunker down with my one remaining shirt and wait this fashion trend out.

These trends usually only last for one season, right?


5 comments:

  1. I can deal with a pattern. Preferably something a bit hippy-dippy, but NOT too bright. It has to have sleeves (seriously, are there THAT many women out there who look gook sleeveless? I think not.) And ruffles, bows, glitter, or rhinestones are a complete no-go. Which, yes, makes about 90% of what's in the stores unacceptable. Sigh. I have found ONE store I love, but you're gonna have to make the trek to Louisville to check it out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, the sleeveless thing is a big problem, too. Of the 10% of things that have sleeves, most are 6 feet too long and about as big around as a stick, and the rest are "fluttery." Good grief. So what is this magical store?

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  2. I am in love with Kohls right now :) Just got 5 new t-shirts.. Mostly v-necks AND the v is appropriate, no cleavage wrinkle to be seen!!! and I purchased some prints but 2 solids, do stripes count as prints?????
    ... I'm betting you need a new set of Bra's to fix those womanly attributes and then you'll be good to go!! I'd bet money on it :-)

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    Replies
    1. Ugh. More shopping... Sigh...

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    2. It's good for you, find the right fitting EVERYTHING and we can take over the world!!!!!

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