I'm not smart enough to Twit. Tweet. Twitter. Whatever.

True story.

I got onto the whole social networking scene a little bit late.

I signed up for a Facebook account a couple of years when one of my cool friends - yes I have a cool friend, thank you very much - sort of shamed me into it.

I used it exactly twice, then promptly forgot that I even had an account for about a year, until one day, my much younger, much cooler, much hipper nephew sent me a friend request.

It came to my email address, which I guess I had registered way back when, or I would have never seen it. So I accepted the request - it would have been rude not to - and for the next six months, I had exactly two friends, and I was happy.

Then my friend Natalie found me, and somehow through it all, I found out that Facebook had... games.  You know, word games.  For nerds like me.  It was heaven.

I acquired a few more friends along the way, totally by accident.  Natalie gave me a hard time on a regular basis, posting things on my wall like "I heard a crazy rumor that some people use Facebook for social networking."  Whatever.  I had the new high score in Word Twist.

I finally got the hang of it, though.  It was fun, in a sort of stalkerish way to "catch up" with people from high school and college, former employees and coworkers, and a strange smattering or distant relations.

I'm a pretty smart girl, so I thought I might give Twitter a try, too.

Bad call.

I absolutely cannot do it.

It's too hard.

It's not the site, or the technology, or anything like that.  It's just that I can't ever remember to run to the computer every time I eat a banana, watch a tv show, take a nap, or get caught at a stoplight so that I can tweet my current situation.  'Cause that seems to be what it is all about -  a minute by minute account of everyone's life.

And I keep forgetting to update.

And since I have a crazy obsessive disorder that makes me do everything exactly perfectly every time, or not at all, I have given up.

And even though nine year olds the world over have mastered it, I am not smart enough to Tweet.

And I'm not even going to try any more.