Help! I have forgotten how to dress myself!

Oh dear.

Tonight I have to go to a Thing.  You know, a Thing that involves a restaurant with more than one fork, and several courses, and RJ's boss. 

Oh dear.

I've never been especially comfortable in social situations, because to be honest, I'm just not very... sociable.

But I've learned to smile a lot, nod sometimes, and make eye contact enough that it's flattering but not creepy.  I have also learned that most people really, really, really like to talk about themselves, given the opportunity, so I'm pretty good at strategic questions that will keep folks talking for hours.  

So that much will be fine.

The problem lies in what to wear to such a place.

I'm not a fancy girl by any stretch of the imagination, and I never have been. 

But in the last few years, I've really let myself go a bit.

In my defense, there has been a lot going on.

A high stress job.  A high-stress husband.  Two boys under the age of four.  A house to keep.  You know, life.

But while perusing my closet for something reasonable to wear to the Thing, I made some startling discoveries:

1. The only shoes I own are Crocs and flip flops.

2. I have 11 black sweaters, each in progressive state of fading or disrepair.  Two have holes, 3 have missing buttons and one seems to have been recently worn by an elephant.

3. To wear under my 11 black sweaters, I have 13 tank tops in various states of disrepair.

4. Most of my pants are one size too big.

5. Most of my shirts are one size too small.

6. I have nothing to wear to the Thing.

7. I wouldn't know good fashion if it hit me in the face.

The real problem, of course, is that I don't really care.  Oh, I care RIGHT NOW, but as soon as this gig is over, I won't care again until the next Thing.  Also, I'm cheap and don't like to spend money on clothes.  And I'm really most comfortable in what amounts to my pjs - a t-shirt, some sweats, and house slippers.  I'd wear them to work if I could, and I'm pretty sure I have worn them to the grocery (yes, I'm THAT person).

So anyway, I'll muddle through tonight with my least worst black sweater, and tomorrow I won't care again.