Authentic Vietnamese Spring Rolls. Made from authentic Vietnamese stuff.

For those of you who know me and my family, you may have heard that RJ's mother is Vietnamese.  This means, of course, that she makes delicious Vietnamese food.  Several years ago, at RJ's request, I spent the day with her to learn how to make spring rolls, and it was the second most stressful day of my life, second only to my faux-Vietnamese wedding, which I still have a difficult time talking about.  But anyway, the end result was that I now know how to make these delightful things.  Of course, if she ever finds out that I posted her secret family recipe on the internet for the entire world to see, the Vietnamese mafia will be waiting to roll me in a parking garage, but live dangerously, I always say.

First, make sure your children are occupied.  This whole process takes several hours.

WHAT YOU NEED:

3-4 large carrots, peeled

3 cups bean sprouts

1 bunch green onions

1 cup bean threads (also known as rice noodles), soaked in warm water for 15 minutes and drained

1/2 cup dried black mushroomssoaked in warm water for 15 minutes and drained

2 lbs. ground pork or chicken (pork is usually much cheaper, and honestly, it tastes about the same)

2 egg yolks

1 tsp. salt

1/2 tsp. pepper

1 heaping tsp. sugar

1 tsp. garlic powder

1 tsp. Ac'cent

50 spring roll wrappers

vegetable oil

(Note:  The spices are approximate.  After I have mixed everything, I take out a tablespoon of the mixture and cook it in a skillet like a bitty baby burger.  That way I can check and add to before I make 50 freakin' spring rolls that may need more salt.  Trust me, it's a good idea.)

WHAT YOU DO:

Chop the carrots, bean sprouts, green onions, noodles, and mushrooms in a food processor.  If you do not have a food processor, use a blender.  If you do not have a blender. get one.  When you're finished with all the chopping, it will look something like this:

Add in the meat, spices, and one egg yolk.  Now you've got this:

Next, take the other egg yolk, beat it with a fork and mix it with a little water.  This is what you'll use to seal the spring rolls.  

Lay a spring roll wrapper out flat (smooth side out), and put a heaping tablespoon full of the mixture on it.  Shape the filling like this: (I highly recommend you remove your engagement ring first.  Ask me how I know this.)

The rolling process looks like this:

At this point, dab your fingers in the egg yolk/water mixture and smear it around the corner of the wrapper.  Use this to seal it.

Repeat 49 times.  This is a good time to listen to music, drink beer, or drink beer.

The result:

Heat your oil in the biggest, deepest pot you've got.  Your oil should be at least 2-3 inches deep, and you should heat it over medium heat.  When you see the oil start moving around a bit, drop in some spring rolls.  I usually cook 6-8 at a time.  When you drop them in the oil, make sure the side sealed with the egg is DOWN.  This ensures that they will not come apart as they are cooking.  Cook for approximately 5-6 minutes per batch.  Drain on paper towels.

Note:  your house is gonna smell like China One Buffet King, and it will smell like that for days.  This stuff gets all up in your pores.  I prefer to cook these in the summer when I can open the windows, but we have to eat in the winter time, too.  Just be prepared, and shower AFTER, not BEFORE, making these.

The result:

Delightful.

Tonight, I am serving these with Vietnamese Pho Ga.  I did not get this recipe from my mother-in-law.  My constitution was too weak.  Instead, I got this recipe from Nathan Lyon of A Lyon in the Kitchen, who is super hot a really good cook.

Enjoy!

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