Oh Mama Kat, your writing prompts are like a siren's song...
List 10 things you are afraid of.
I can't have NORMAL fears like NORMAL people.
I kill spiders, shoo away wasps, love the dark, don't mind closed spaces, love thunderstorms, welcome pain, and think of germs as a challenge.
Oh, I guess a few things on my list might be classified as "standard" fears, but mostly, well, you'll see...
1. Herpetophobia - fear of reptiles and amphibians. This isn't so much a FEAR, really, as a complete AVOIDANCE of the aforementioned beady-eyed, flicking tongued, scaly-skinned devils. And yes, once I stopped using my downstairs bathroom and didn't get my mail for a couple
months weeks because of it. But that's just avoidance, and not really fear, right?
2. Left-turnaphobia - fear of making left turns while driving. Ok, so it's not so much EXACTLY left turns as it is turning across lanes of traffic, so sometimes it's right-turnaaphobia, too. Really, I just hate to drive, especially in cities or unfamiliar places, and what I prefer to do is know exactly where I'm going so I can map out a complicated route that involves NOT crossing the street or pulling out of any place without a stoplight. I also really, really like to get in the lane I need to be in immediately when turning only a road and NEVER switching out of it, just in case I can't get back over. I credit this major lack of driving skill to the fact that I grew up on a farm, learned to drive on a dirt road, and the cows ALMOST NEVER drove erratically like people do. Or maybe I'm just bat-shit insane. Whatever.
3. Zachary-can't-fly-aphobia - fear that my boys will continue to try to fly by jumping off the roof of our (two story) house, like Zachary did that one time. Now I'm not saying that they shouldn't practice their flying skills regularly, because I'm not entirely convinced that they CAN'T fly, but I do prefer when they do ground takeoffs only.
4. Ostraconophobia - fear of seafood. I'm not afraid of it as long as it stays where God intended it be, like IN THE FREAKING OCEAN, but do not, DO NOT attempt to get me to eat it. I lie to people ALL THE TIME and tell them I have a severe allergy to it because I'm sick of people saying stuff like, "But shrimp is delicious! You should try it!" and "Well, you've never had MY lobster a la nastiness! You'd love it!" No I won't. It's gross. I don't want it in my mouth. Keep it away from me.
5. Creepy-nerds-in-the-basementaphobia - fear that one or both of my boys will never leave home and will spend all their days living in my basement, eating Chinese takeout and pizza and playing video games while never being gainfully employed. I'm already setting up the avoidance of this by telling the boys regularly things like "The minute you graduate from high school and move out, Dad and I are going to move to a really small house without a room for you! Won't that be fun?" and "You know the law says once you move out of Mama and Dad's house, you can never move back, right?" I'm tentatively hopeful that my early attention to this will pay off.
6. Dishwasher-phobia - fear of eating off dishes washed in a dishwasher. I grew up in a house without a dishwasher, and when I use dishes washed in one, I can taste the soap. Really. It's gross. And soapy tasting. When we were building our house, our realtor, our builder, our cabinet installer and pretty much every other person who passed through my kitchen-in-progress would stop and scream "BUT WHERE'S THE DISHWASHER GOING TO GO?!?!?!?" I think we had to sign a bunch of waivers saying we (and by we, I mean me) didn't want a dishwasher, didn't expect a dishwasher, and wouldn't change our minds in a week and think a dishwasher would magically appear where no dishwasher was before.
7. Telephonophobia - fear of talking on the telephone. I will avoid talking on the telephone AT ALL COSTS. I attribute this to my introvert personality tendencies, and luckily this is not an affliction that my hubby shares, so he picks up the slack for me on this front all the time. The day we got rid of our land line phone was one of the top five happiest days of my life, and in the 4ish years I've had an iPhone, I think I've logged about 8 minutes of actual talking time on it. Why talk if you can text????? Occasionally I have to do something like schedule a doctor's appointment for one of the boys, and sometimes it takes me
days hours to work up to it. Oh God. I'm starting to sound really crazy, aren't I?
8. Hotel-room-floor-funkaphobia - fear of walking on a hotel room floor barefoot because of all the people funk. When I travel, I pack about 15 pairs of slippers, which I place strategically around the room so I'm never far from a pair. This particular phobia also extends to the bedspreads in hotel rooms, which I don't believe get changed every time, and any public place with cloth seats, like some airplanes, movie theaters and waiting rooms. I don't mind vinyl or leather seats, and I can sit in the cloth ones only if my skin doesn't touch the seat. Long pants and a sweater at the movies in the summertime? Don't mind if I do.
9. Stupid-earlyaphobia - fear of being late for something. I arrive at all destinations at least several
hours minutes ahead of schedule. I'm not entirely sure what I think would happen if I were to be late to something, but I know for sure that I don't ever want to find out.
Ok, I 'fessed up and I sound about a french fry short of a Happy Meal.
So make me feel better. Tell me, what's the strangest thing you're afraid of?