7/18/2013

Phobophobia - Yeah, I've got that.

Oh Mama Kat, your writing prompts are like a siren's song...



List 10 things you are afraid of. 

Mama’s Losin’ It


I can't have NORMAL fears like NORMAL people.

Of course.

 I kill spiders, shoo away wasps, love the dark, don't mind closed spaces, love thunderstorms, welcome pain, and think of germs as a challenge.

Oh, I guess a few things on my list might be classified as "standard" fears, but mostly, well, you'll see...


1.  Herpetophobia - fear of reptiles and amphibians.  This isn't so much a FEAR, really, as a complete AVOIDANCE of the aforementioned beady-eyed, flicking tongued, scaly-skinned devils.  And yes, once I stopped using my downstairs bathroom and didn't get my mail for a couple months weeks because of it.  But that's just avoidance, and not really fear, right?

2.  Left-turnaphobia - fear of making left turns while driving.  Ok, so it's not so much EXACTLY left turns as it is turning across lanes of traffic, so sometimes it's right-turnaaphobia, too.  Really, I just hate to drive, especially in cities or unfamiliar places, and what I prefer to do is know exactly where I'm going so I can map out a complicated route that involves NOT crossing the street or pulling out of any place without a stoplight.   I also really, really like to get in the lane I need to be in immediately when turning only a road and NEVER switching out of it, just in case I can't get back over.  I credit this major lack of driving skill to the fact that I grew up on a farm, learned to drive on a dirt road, and the cows ALMOST NEVER drove erratically like people do.  Or maybe I'm just bat-shit insane.  Whatever.

3.  Zachary-can't-fly-aphobia - fear that my boys will continue to try to fly by jumping off the roof of our (two story) house, like Zachary did that one time.  Now I'm not saying that they shouldn't practice their flying skills regularly, because I'm not entirely convinced that they CAN'T fly, but I do prefer when they do ground takeoffs only.  

4.  Ostraconophobia - fear of seafood.  I'm not afraid of it as long as it stays where God intended it be, like IN THE FREAKING OCEAN, but do not, DO NOT attempt to get me to eat it.  I lie to people ALL THE TIME and tell them I have a severe allergy to it because I'm sick of people saying stuff like, "But shrimp is delicious! You should try it!" and "Well, you've never had MY lobster a la nastiness! You'd love it!"  No I won't.  It's gross.  I don't want it in my mouth.  Keep it away from me.  

5.  Creepy-nerds-in-the-basementaphobia - fear that one or both of my boys will never leave home and will spend all their days living in my basement, eating Chinese takeout and pizza and playing video games while never being gainfully employed.  I'm already setting up the avoidance of this by telling the boys regularly things like "The minute you graduate from high school and move out, Dad and I are going to move to a really small house without a room for you! Won't that be fun?" and "You know the law says once you move out of Mama and Dad's house, you can never move back, right?"  I'm tentatively hopeful that my early attention to this will pay off.

6.  Dishwasher-phobia - fear of eating off dishes washed in a dishwasher.  I grew up in a house without a dishwasher, and when I use dishes washed in one,  I can taste the soap.  Really.  It's gross.  And soapy tasting.  When we were building our house, our realtor, our builder, our cabinet installer and pretty much every other person who passed through my kitchen-in-progress would stop and scream "BUT WHERE'S THE DISHWASHER GOING TO GO?!?!?!?"  I think we had to sign a bunch of waivers saying we (and by we, I mean me) didn't want a dishwasher, didn't expect a dishwasher, and wouldn't change our minds in a week and think a dishwasher would magically appear where no dishwasher was before.  

7.  Telephonophobia - fear of talking on the telephone.  I will avoid talking on the telephone AT ALL COSTS.  I attribute this to my introvert personality tendencies, and luckily this is not an affliction that my hubby shares, so he picks up the slack for me on this front all the time.  The day we got rid of our land line phone was one of the top five happiest days of my life, and in the 4ish years I've had an iPhone, I think I've logged about 8 minutes of actual talking time on it.  Why talk if you can text?????  Occasionally I have to do something like schedule a doctor's appointment for one of the boys, and sometimes it takes me days hours to work up to it.  Oh God.  I'm starting to sound really crazy, aren't I?

8.   Hotel-room-floor-funkaphobia - fear of walking on a hotel room floor barefoot because of all the people funk.  When I travel, I pack about 15 pairs of slippers, which I place strategically around the room so I'm never far from a pair.  This particular phobia also extends to the bedspreads in hotel rooms, which I don't believe get changed every time, and any public place with cloth seats, like some airplanes, movie theaters and waiting rooms.  I don't mind vinyl or leather seats, and I can sit in the cloth ones only if my skin doesn't touch the seat.  Long pants and a sweater at the movies in the summertime? Don't mind if I do.

9.  Stupid-earlyaphobia - fear of being late for something.  I arrive at all destinations at least several hours minutes ahead of schedule.  I'm not entirely sure what I think would happen if I were to be late to something, but I know for sure that I don't ever want to find out. 

10.  Mary-Ingallsaphobia - fear of going blind.  Ever since the first time I read the Little House on the Prairie series at age eight or so, I have harbored a deep, unrelenting fear of going blind.  Even after I learned that Laura lied about what caused Mary's blindness, I've still been terrified of losing my eyesight.  Maim me, make me deaf, whatever, but I need to see, because if I can't see, how can I play Candy Crush read?  I have to be able to read to live.  Really.

Ok, I 'fessed up and I sound about a french fry short of a Happy Meal.

So make me feel better.  Tell me, what's the strangest thing you're afraid of?


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19 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Seriously, I'm starting the transition NOW. It will make it easier for all of us in the future, don't you think?

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  2. But shrimp is soooooo good!!! Especially if it deep fried. Okay, okay, I am sure you have heard that one about 10,000 times.

    Now the dishwasher, or lack there of, I have NEVER heard that one before!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, I know. I hesitated to write about the dishwasher thing, but surely there's SOMEONE out there who feels my pain, right?

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  3. #2, #7, and #8...totally me. I am just as batshit crazy as you are! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really, #2, too? Yay!!!! Another person who has my brand of crazy! Do you ever pull into a parking space, then get out and walk all the way around your car to make sure you are parked correctly, or is that one mine and mine alone?

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  4. Totally agree with the seafood, so gross! I'm going to start saying I'm allergic too lol. I also hate talking on the phone, I'd much rather text so when I get tired of the conversation I don' have to give an excuse to get off the phone. I just stop answering. My biggest fear is crickets !!! True story!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, crickets are crunchy, and I HATE that. And nothing will get people to stop trying to get you to eat their seafood nastiness faster than saying "SEVERE ALLERGY!"

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  5. I have #7! I will answer the phone if I HAVE to, but make a phone call? It takes me DAYS, sometimes WEEKS to do that. Sometimes I even write down what I need to say, so I don't turn into a complete babbling idiot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I write stuff down sometimes, too! I hate it when the phone rings and it's a call I HAVE to take, like from my kid's school, and I haven't had time to practice yet.

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  6. All this time I thought I was the only person with the telephone fear. Yet everyone is talking about it. Now I feel better about myself and not quite the weirdo I thought I was! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Based on comments, that one seems pretty common. I always thought it was just me, too.

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  7. Replies
    1. Seriously, once they move out, it's a done deal. Sewing room for Mama!

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  8. My aunt washes the dishes and THEN puts them in the dishwasher because she doesn't think hand washing gets them clean enough. I agree that they aren't very clean though.

    And ate you kidding, my husband and I won't get take-out from a place we can't order online. If we have to call, we won't be getting dinner from them. And my dr office has a 'make on appointment' option on their website. Boom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your aunt sounds like a wise, wise woman, except I would do it the other way. Dishwasher first, then hand wash. Boom! No more soap taste.

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  9. OMG #7! Me times 1,000,000,000!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm starting to think everyone hates to talk on the phone. SO WHY ARE THEY STILL AROUND?!?!?

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