Trends.

It's been a REALLY LONG TIME since I linked up with Mama Kat and her writing workshop.  Far too long, really.   But lately I've been feeling all angst-y and bored about my blog, and I needed a little pick me up to get me writing again.  It totally worked, by the way.




TALK ABOUT A TREND YOU DON'T CARE FOR.

Really, I'm not a trendy kind of girl.  I wear jeans a t-shirts as much as possible, and I prefer Nikes over fancy sandals and boots every day of the week.  I've never jumped onto the trend bandwagon, whether it's ombre hair, bedazzled nails, eyelash extensions or whatever the trend du jour is.  Really, I have no idea what's going on in the world of trends most of the time, and that's ok with me.

Those things are all fine and good if that's what you want - it's just not for me.

But there is a current trend that I LOVE.  ADORE.  IDOLIZE.

The maxi dress.

Now I know what you're thinking.  This is supposed to be a post about a trend that I hate.  I'm getting there.  Really I am.  Well, sorta.

Anyway, I love everything about the whole "maxi dress as casual summer wear" option.  I love that it's cool.  I love that it's comfortable.  I love that maxi dresses don't ride all up in my crotch the way shorts do.  I love that maxi dresses look nice - much better than my normal summer attire of running shorts and a t-shirt that says "This is my zombie killing shirt."

But there's a problem.

Maxi dresses don't love me.

At 5'1" and one hundred OHMYGOD-DID-YOU-REALLY-THINK-I-WOULD-ANNOUNCE-MY-WEIGHT-ON-THE-INTERNET? and some pounds, and with a bra size that starts with the word "double," I am learning that maxi dresses are not for me.

And it's not that I haven't tried.  I have.  Oh, how I have.  I've tried on dozens of them.  Maybe hundreds.

But it's always the same story.

First, they are all too long, which makes me look for all the world like a little girl playing dress up, especially if there is a ruffle up on the thing anywhere.  However, I can sew, so that COULD be overcome.  But... the main problem comes in the area of my, um, well, the GIRLS, if you know what I mean.   If I try to wear one of these dresses without a bra, as it looks like all the nice tall, willowy models do:

Then my lady-parts either spill out over the top, or worse, kind of fall down and out.

And since my double-something sized cleavage will only fit into an industrial underwire-boning-on-the-sides-super-thick-straps-quad-clasp-in-the-back kind of bra, strapless dresses or those flimsy little spaghetti straps are out.  Totally out.  Can you imagine this:

shoved up under this?

Yeah.  Me neither.

So my jealousy and rage over this perceived injustice has caused me to do a complete turnaround on the whole maxi dress thing.

Since I absolutely cannot have one, everyone who wears them is a big poopy-head.   Maxi dresses are dumb.  I hate them.  Clearly all the cool kids only wear shorts, seersucker capri pants, and an occasional denim skirt left over from high school.

Like me.

So go ahead and wear all your cute, summery, flowery, flowy, ruffley dresses.  I'm going to be standing over here in the shade, picking my shorts out of my crotch and judging you.

Just like the cool kids do.




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