It's been a REALLY LONG TIME since I linked up with Mama Kat and her writing workshop.  Far too long, really.   But lately I've been feeling all angst-y and bored about my blog, and I needed a little pick me up to get me writing again.  It totally worked, by the way.

Mama’s Losin’ It


Really, I'm not a trendy kind of girl.  I wear jeans a t-shirts as much as possible, and I prefer Nikes over fancy sandals and boots every day of the week.  I've never jumped onto the trend bandwagon, whether it's ombre hair, bedazzled nails, eyelash extensions or whatever the trend du jour is.  Really, I have no idea what's going on in the world of trends most of the time, and that's ok with me.

Those things are all fine and good if that's what you want - it's just not for me.

But there is a current trend that I LOVE.  ADORE.  IDOLIZE.

The maxi dress.

Now I know what you're thinking.  This is supposed to be a post about a trend that I hate.  I'm getting there.  Really I am.  Well, sorta.

Anyway, I love everything about the whole "maxi dress as casual summer wear" option.  I love that it's cool.  I love that it's comfortable.  I love that maxi dresses don't ride all up in my crotch the way shorts do.  I love that maxi dresses look nice - much better than my normal summer attire of running shorts and a t-shirt that says "This is my zombie killing shirt."

But there's a problem.

Maxi dresses don't love me.

At 5'1" and one hundred OHMYGOD-DID-YOU-REALLY-THINK-I-WOULD-ANNOUNCE-MY-WEIGHT-ON-THE-INTERNET? and some pounds, and with a bra size that starts with the word "double," I am learning that maxi dresses are not for me.

And it's not that I haven't tried.  I have.  Oh, how I have.  I've tried on dozens of them.  Maybe hundreds.

But it's always the same story.

First, they are all too long, which makes me look for all the world like a little girl playing dress up, especially if there is a ruffle up on the thing anywhere.  However, I can sew, so that COULD be overcome.  But... the main problem comes in the area of my, um, well, the GIRLS, if you know what I mean.   If I try to wear one of these dresses without a bra, as it looks like all the nice tall, willowy models do:

Then my lady-parts either spill out over the top, or worse, kind of fall down and out.

And since my double-something sized cleavage will only fit into an industrial underwire-boning-on-the-sides-super-thick-straps-quad-clasp-in-the-back kind of bra, strapless dresses or those flimsy little spaghetti straps are out.  Totally out.  Can you imagine this:

shoved up under this?

Yeah.  Me neither.

So my jealousy and rage over this perceived injustice has caused me to do a complete turnaround on the whole maxi dress thing.

Since I absolutely cannot have one, everyone who wears them is a big poopy-head.   Maxi dresses are dumb.  I hate them.  Clearly all the cool kids only wear shorts, seersucker capri pants, and an occasional denim skirt left over from high school.

Like me.

So go ahead and wear all your cute, summery, flowery, flowy, ruffley dresses.  I'm going to be standing over here in the shade, picking my shorts out of my crotch and judging you.

Just like the cool kids do.

post signature

This post contains affiliate links.


  1. Awwww honey, I have a girlfriend that feels the same way about them and she' 5ft 3 and curvy!
    What about just the skirt with a better tank or t-shirt for that matter OR just finding one that works on top and making it mid calf???
    I love those dresses but must also wear a bra with them(which is why I don't have any yet).....NO ONE wants to see boobs with nipples pointing to the floor under a dress...shudder.....

  2. You are funny! I love Maxi dresses! I actually have one that I do wear a bra with. And, if you can sew, anything is possible. Janet's ideas were great! I believe you can make it happen, and still be judgey if you want to be.

    1. Yes, I'm thinking I need to break out the sewing machine and have a go at... well, something. Thanks for stopping by!

  3. Fashion is painful for those of us who have a little more of something than the average girl, sweetie - I feel your pain. For me, it's butts. I have four of them...and they all hate me and want me to stay where I am instead of hitting my goal weight. They will not win.

    (I have 3 maxi dresses in my closet that I can't fit into. Yet. That day will come, my friend. That day will come.)

    1. I'll trade you some boobs for some butts. By the way, just keep going. You will get where you want to be!

  4. Hey what about sewing a tank inside the strapy dress and then hemming shorter????

    1. Janet, I think you are on to something... I need to figure out how to modify dresses I like to work for me. Brilliant idea about the tank inside the dress.

  5. I LOVE them but have the opposite problem: I'm 5'10" and maxi dresses are usually too short. I also prefer maxi skirts, because (another tall girl problem) the part that is supposed to be the waist only pulls down to just under my boobies. But when I find one long enough? I snatch that sucker off the rack and buy it!

    1. Oh wow. I bet you have a whole range of problems I would never even dream of. Tall girl problems, short girl problems... I wonder if average sized girls have problems like this too?

  6. I'm not as...um...vertically challenged as you, but I feel the same about maxi dresses too! I think only supermodels and giant people wear them. They're always sooo long! Or maybe you have to always pair them with heels and I hate anything more than 1/2 in heels.

    So no worries. I'll join ya in the shade. ;)

    1. Yes, heels and I don't get along either. You'd think that with my, um, lower center of gravity heels would be a breeze, but I tip right over. Thanks for dropping by!

  7. Not completely off-topic, but you should check out some of the bras at Bare Necessities: http://www.barenecessities.com

    I'm sporting a 36H over here and like you, want to be able to wear at least SOME things that don't look like my 76 year old grandmother picked it out. I've ordered a few bras from BN and they do have some attractive, non-industrial ones for us extra blessed girls. I've also ordered some of their swimsuits as well. Good luck!

    1. Thanks! I will check them out. I need a swimsuit in the worst way but swimsuit shopping is somewhere between root canals and natural childbirth on my list of things I like to do.

  8. Not completely off-topic, but have you ever shopped at Bare Necessities (www.barenecessities.com) for the over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders? I'm working with a 36H over here and love the selection of 'full figured' bras they have. Like you, there are times when I do want to wear something that doesn't look like my 75 year old grandma picked out. I've ordered quite a few bras from them and they fit well and are pretty, I also like their swimsuits because they have them in bra sizes. Just a suggestion, good luck! :)


Pin It button on image hover