The average kid asks approximately 4,348,482 questions before the age of eight.
Actually, I just totally made that number up, but it sounds about right.
However, my kids?
WAY above average.
Here are a few of the questions I have fielded just this past week.
Zachary: "Mama, what happens when there's trash on the ground and it rains?" Um, it gets wet?
Cooper: "MAMA! Are people MEAT?" Yep, kid. You're mid-level food chain material, at best.
Zachary: "Mama, can airplanes get struck by lightening?" Uh, guess I'm never flying again.
Zachary: "Mama, who invented houses?" Smart people. Now hush and eat your dinner.
Zachary: "Mama, is hippocampus a fancy word for brain?" Yes. Now hush and eat your dinner.
Cooper: "Mama, is you throat your neck?" Um, kinda? Now hush and eat your dinner.
Zachary: "Mama, when I'm a grown-up, or maybe a teenager, will you go to college with me?" Hell no, kid. HELL. NO. Plus? I'm changing the locks as soon as you leave.
Zachary: "Mama, what year were you born?" 1974. "And you're still alive now? WOW!" Brat.
Cooper: "Mama, what is an enemy?" It's someone you haven't learned to love yet? "Oh, like XXXXX?" Exactly.
Cooper: "Mama, what does this say?" It says "Made in China." "You mean Aunt Barbara went ALL THE WAY TO CHINA TO GET THIS FOR ME?" Yeah sure, kid. Sure.
Zachary: "Mama, guess what?!?! Did you know a table can fall JUST by standing on it?" Uh, I guess I do now.
Cooper: "Mama, what is "touche´?" Um, it's kinda like, you're acknowledging that someone said something that was right or funny. "Well, what's 'acknowledging?'" It's like to admit to something. "Well, what's 'admit?'" I have no idea, kid. No idea at all.
Zachary: "Mama, what would you happen if you hit a bug with a rock?" You would squish it. "Oh, that's bad then, isn't it?" Why exactly are you asking?
Cooper: "Mama, do your teeth come out yet?" Uh, no. Do you know something I don't?
Cooper: "Mama, can bears whistle?" Uh.....
Zachary: "Mama, are meatballs the same as meatloaf?" Uh, kinda? They're just a different shape? "I thought so because they both start with 'meat.'"
Cooper: "Mama, can robots poop?" Oh, definitely not. "Do they get a tummy ache when they eat, then?"
Cooper: "Mama, can you guess what day it is?!?!?!?" No, what day is it? "It's APRIL!"
Zachary: "Mama, what does 'exaggerate" mean?" It means to make something seem bigger and better than it really is. "Oh, you mean like when you talk about how fun it is to clean up my room?" Exactly that, kid. Exactly that.
Cooper: "Mama, what do I say when people cough?" What do you mean, honey? "When people sneeze I say bless you. What do I say when they cough?" Say "Please go cough on someone else."
Cooper: "Mama, what's a pupil?" It's a student. "You mean you have a STUDENT in your eye?"
Zachary: "Mama, when will I get to get some gold teeth?" Um, right before prison, most likely.
Cooper: "Mama, what's the difference between frogs and toads?" Uh...
Cooper: "Mama, do frogs have teeth?" No, I don't think so. "Well, how about birds?" Uh...
Zachary: "Mama, who will be president after Barack Obama?" I have no idea. "Oh. Can we go look it up on Google, then? Google will know." Uh...