Unprepared.

Stylish much?

At the beginning of April, I have to register zj for Kindergarten.

I've known that for a while - like five years or so - but it wasn't until this week that it actually started to sink in.  In addition to the panic I felt about all the things I needed to make happen - doctor's visits, dentist's appointments, important paperwork to locate - I began to completely freak out about sending him out into the world.

I don't want him to go to school where I won't know what's happening to him all day and anyway school is dangerous and kids bring guns to class and what if he doesn't make any friends or somebody makes fun of him for something or what if he doesn't do well and what if his teacher is like Miss Nelson from third grade and is mean to him every day and makes him write sentences and OH MY GAH HE CAN'T EVEN WRITE A SENTENCE and clearly he's not ready and maybe I'll just redshirt him.  Or homeschool.  Yes!  I'll homeschool.  I'm a smart woman, surely I can do that, never mind the fact that I have the patience of a gnat and have not been successful this far at even teaching him how to WRITE HIS FREAKING NAME and he is NOT ready I'm not ready and who had the crazy idea that five was old enough to go to school all day long because this is clearly a plot by the government or maybe by those aliens from V that are trying to take over our planet and who regurgitate food into their kid's mouth and I can't send him to school and that's just THAT.

Ok, BREATHE, mj.  Just breathe.

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Zj will be fine.

I'm the one with the insecurities.  Have I done enough?  Been enough? Taught him enough?  How will MY parenting abilities hold up under the scrutiny?  How will I compare to the crazy-ass Mamas who have taught their five year olds how to conjugate Latin verbs and multiply fractions?

Not so great, I'd imagine.

But for once, I'm going to have to let it go.  This is SO not about me.

It's about zj, and HE WILL BE FINE.

But I reserve the right to freak out in private, any time I want to.