Nap time isn't really worth it. I promise.

I'm not much of a napper.

If you take out the 18 months I was pregnant (not all at once, thank Jesus), I have probably only taken 20 or so daytime naps in my adult life.

I hear other grownups talk about naps like they are grumpy toddlers in need of a blankie, but it has always seemed like a waste of daylight to sleep when it's not dark.  It's my inner farm girl coming out, I guess.

However, one day last week, I was scheduled to close at work.  I was tired already.  I didn't feel well.  A short nap seemed to be in order.

The preparation was immense.  First, I had to get cj fed, changed and asleep.  Done.

Next, I had to try to prepare zj.

Me:  Zackie, Mama is going to take a nap.  Can you watch tv for a little while?
ZJ:  Mama, it isn't nap time.  It isn't dark yet.  I think we should call Daddy and ask him.
Me:  It's ok baby.  Daddy doesn't care.
ZJ:  Mama, last night I dreamed about a snake and a chair and a superhero and a cape and my bedroom and a couch and my tv and a llama and some ice cream.
Me:  Nobody really cares, sweetheart.  Mama wants to take a nap, ok?
ZJ: Why do you sleep all the time, Mama?  You sleeped last night, and you sleeped yesterday, too.
Me:  Well, zj. We need sleep to make us healthy and happy.
ZJ:  Mama, can I have some lunch?
Me:  It's 10 o'clock in the morning.
ZJ:  Well, I'm hungry.
Me:  Ok, here are some goldfish.  Mama is going to lay down on the couch for a little while, ok?
ZJ:  Why, Mama?  Can you read me a story?
Me:  Baby, Mama is going to go to sleep.
ZJ:  Can we play X-Men, Mama?
Me:  How about you lay beside me and I'll turn X-Men on tv, ok?
ZJ:  No, I don't think so.
Me: Ok, how about Max & Ruby?  Max & Ruby's on.  You can lay beside me and watch that, ok?
ZJ: No, I don't want to lay down.  Mama, is it time for you to go to work yet?
Me: No, I don't have to leave for a few hours.  Hey, how about a nap?
ZJ: Mama, are you going to drop me off and is Daddy going to pick me up?
Me: Yes, baby.  Mama will drop you off and Daddy will pick you up tonight.
ZJ: Why?
Me: Well, because I have to go to work, and Daddy will be off work before I am.  So he'll pick you up.  Let's lay down here, ok?
ZJ:  Well, Daddy didn't pick me up yesterday.  You picked me up yesterday.
Me: Yes, but that was yesterday.  Hey how about we go upstairs and take a nap in my bed?
ZJ: Mama, where's Cooper?
Me: Cooper's asleep.  Let's join him, ok?
ZJ: Mama, you won't fit in Cooper's bed.
Me: No, that's not what I meant.  Never mind that.  Let's lay down, ok?
ZJ: Mama, is it lunchtime yet?
Me: No, not yet.  Hey, how about you lay down beside me while I take a nap and you can look at one of your comic books?
ZJ: No, I don't think so.  Mama, is Daddy coming home soon?
Me: No, remember, Daddy will pick you up tonight.
ZJ:  Where are we going?
Me: Remember what we talked about?  Mama has to go to work.  I will drop you off, and Daddy will pick you up.
ZJ: Mama, why do you have to go to work?
Me: Well, I go to work so that we can have money to buy things and to pay for our house and our cars and our food...
ZJ: Well, you broke our big car some last week.  Remember?
Me: Yes, I remember.  I had an accident.  Ok, now let's lay down here on the couch.  Mama is tired and wants to take a nap before work.
ZJ: Well, I know where Daddy works.
Me: Yes, I know you do.  That's great.  Now come lay down, ok?
ZJ: And I know our address.  We live at 154 Hidden Court, Kentucky Vine Grove.
Me: Yes, that's right.  Hey, why don't you go down in the basement and play your Wolverine game?
ZJ: No, I don't want to.
Me: Hey, let's lay down together on the floor.  It will be fun.  Like we're camping.
ZJ: No, I don't want to.  Mama, can we call Granny now?
Me: No, we're not going to call Granny.  We are going to take a nap, remember?
ZJ: Well, I don't want to take a nap.  Mama, can we go to Chuck E. Cheese today?
Me: No, remember, I have to go to work in a little while, right after we take a nap.  Come here and lay down with me, ok?
ZJ: Mama, can you read me a story?
Me: Of course.  Go get the $^#* book, darling.

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