I'm not much of a napper.
If you take out the 18 months I was pregnant (not all at once, thank Jesus), I have probably only taken 20 or so daytime naps in my adult life.
I hear other grownups talk about naps like they are grumpy toddlers in need of a blankie, but it has always seemed like a waste of daylight to sleep when it's not dark. It's my inner farm girl coming out, I guess.
However, one day last week, I was scheduled to close at work. I was tired already. I didn't feel well. A short nap seemed to be in order.
The preparation was immense. First, I had to get cj fed, changed and asleep. Done.
Next, I had to try to prepare zj.
Me: Zackie, Mama is going to take a nap. Can you watch tv for a little while?
ZJ: Mama, it isn't nap time. It isn't dark yet. I think we should call Daddy and ask him.
Me: It's ok baby. Daddy doesn't care.
ZJ: Mama, last night I dreamed about a snake and a chair and a superhero and a cape and my bedroom and a couch and my tv and a llama and some ice cream.
Me: Nobody really cares, sweetheart. Mama wants to take a nap, ok?
ZJ: Why do you sleep all the time, Mama? You sleeped last night, and you sleeped yesterday, too.
Me: Well, zj. We need sleep to make us healthy and happy.
ZJ: Mama, can I have some lunch?
Me: It's 10 o'clock in the morning.
ZJ: Well, I'm hungry.
Me: Ok, here are some goldfish. Mama is going to lay down on the couch for a little while, ok?
ZJ: Why, Mama? Can you read me a story?
Me: Baby, Mama is going to go to sleep.
ZJ: Can we play X-Men, Mama?
Me: How about you lay beside me and I'll turn X-Men on tv, ok?
ZJ: No, I don't think so.
Me: Ok, how about Max & Ruby? Max & Ruby's on. You can lay beside me and watch that, ok?
ZJ: No, I don't want to lay down. Mama, is it time for you to go to work yet?
Me: No, I don't have to leave for a few hours. Hey, how about a nap?
ZJ: Mama, are you going to drop me off and is Daddy going to pick me up?
Me: Yes, baby. Mama will drop you off and Daddy will pick you up tonight.
ZJ: Why?
Me: Well, because I have to go to work, and Daddy will be off work before I am. So he'll pick you up. Let's lay down here, ok?
ZJ: Well, Daddy didn't pick me up yesterday. You picked me up yesterday.
Me: Yes, but that was yesterday. Hey how about we go upstairs and take a nap in my bed?
ZJ: Mama, where's Cooper?
Me: Cooper's asleep. Let's join him, ok?
ZJ: Mama, you won't fit in Cooper's bed.
Me: No, that's not what I meant. Never mind that. Let's lay down, ok?
ZJ: Mama, is it lunchtime yet?
Me: No, not yet. Hey, how about you lay down beside me while I take a nap and you can look at one of your comic books?
ZJ: No, I don't think so. Mama, is Daddy coming home soon?
Me: No, remember, Daddy will pick you up tonight.
ZJ: Where are we going?
Me: Remember what we talked about? Mama has to go to work. I will drop you off, and Daddy will pick you up.
ZJ: Mama, why do you have to go to work?
Me: Well, I go to work so that we can have money to buy things and to pay for our house and our cars and our food...
ZJ: Well, you broke our big car some last week. Remember?
Me: Yes, I remember. I had an accident. Ok, now let's lay down here on the couch. Mama is tired and wants to take a nap before work.
ZJ: Well, I know where Daddy works.
Me: Yes, I know you do. That's great. Now come lay down, ok?
ZJ: And I know our address. We live at 154 Hidden Court, Kentucky Vine Grove.
Me: Yes, that's right. Hey, why don't you go down in the basement and play your Wolverine game?
ZJ: No, I don't want to.
Me: Hey, let's lay down together on the floor. It will be fun. Like we're camping.
ZJ: No, I don't want to. Mama, can we call Granny now?
Me: No, we're not going to call Granny. We are going to take a nap, remember?
ZJ: Well, I don't want to take a nap. Mama, can we go to Chuck E. Cheese today?
Me: No, remember, I have to go to work in a little while, right after we take a nap. Come here and lay down with me, ok?
ZJ: Mama, can you read me a story?
Me: Of course. Go get the $^#* book, darling.
Yep. That sounds about right.
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