A sick day.

It's 10am, I'm on my third - or is it fourth? - cup of coffee, the whining and fighting is at an all time high, and there is green snot running out of three of four of the boys' nostrils.  Everybody is still in pajamas, the tv is turned up as loud as I can stand it, and I'm seriously considering opening a bottle of wine.

Yep, it's a sick day.

Both zj and cj have some sort of general crud.  It's not serious, but a little fever means that zj is home from school, and an even littler fever means cj won't detach himself from my person long enough for me to pee.

It's super awesome.

When I was working, taking off at a moment's notice wasn't an option for me.  I was the one with the keys to the store.  I kinda had to show up.  So whenever the kids were sick, either RJ would stay home with them, or our super duper kind sitter lady would let them come anyway.  She would spoil them and let them lay on the couch and eat popsicles all day, and I could swoop in at the eleventh hour and take them home just in time to go to bed.

It was a good system.  For me.

I was proud of the fact that until last year sometime, I had never been in the "sick" side of the waiting room at our pediatrician's office.  RJ always had that job.

But since becoming a stay at home Mama, sick duty is mine.  All mine.  And to be quite honest, I'm not particularly good at it.

Oh, don't get me wrong.  I hate it when my boys are sick.  I want them to get better.  I'm not TOTALLY heartless.  But the actual dealing with sick kiddos?  Not my strong suit.

The whining and the snot and the whining and the "Mama!" and the whining and the "I'm thirsty" and the whining and the "Mama!!!" and the whining and the general crabbiness and the whining and the "I WANNA POP-A-SICLE!!" are a bit much at times.

But I'm here to do my job, and do it I will.  My main goal at the moment is to get zj well enough to go to school tomorrow.  I will do this by general care, magic, or brute force if necessary.

And now if I can just find my corkscrew, I might make it through the day.

Food is fuel.

I used to know this guy.

We worked together, actually.

He was, and I'm guessing still is, pretty awesome.  He was so awesome, in fact, that he had the dubious distinction of being scheduled for the closing shift with me every Friday and Saturday night, week in and week out, because he was the only one on the staff who could keep up with me.

Lucky guy.

Anyway, one time right after Easter, he showed up to work with a bag of leftover ham.

It was a gallon sized ziplock bag, and it was pretty full.

He ate some ham for lunch that day.

And the next day.

And the day after that.

I teased him mercilessly about his bag of ham.

His response?

"It's just fuel to get me through my day."

I laughed, then went back to my Doritos, Snickers and Dr. Pepper from the vending machine, which was my typical workday lunch.

Now, some five or so years later, I finally get it.

Food is fuel to get you through your day.

DING! DING! DING!

It totally makes sense, for the first time ever.

Since January, I have been tracking calories in versus energy out, and I'm learning a lot about how my body works and what it needs to survive (lots of water) and what it needs to perform at an optimum level (NOT Doritos and Snickers).

I'm also learning what food is not.  Food is not, or should not be, a reward.  For as long as I can remember, I've thought of it that way.  It was a reward at school for good behavior and good grades.  It was a reward at home for milestones and celebrations and birthdays.  It carried over into my adult life with a vengeance.  Bad day at work?  Burgers and fries in a greasy sack will make me feel better.  Great day at work?  I'll reward myself with a pizza.  And forty pounds later...

Now having said all that, I still love food.

And I love to cook good food.

And I love to eat good food.

But I do not love having an a$$ the size of a compact car.

So I'm working on it.

It's a process.

It's a SLOW process.

And sometimes I have to think about a guy with a bag of ham, and remind myself he was right all along.

Get in my tummy, Boston Creme Pie.

This post is a direct result of Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop. And also because I like pie.

I've never been a huge fan of sweets.

I've always preferred to drink my dessert, if you know what I mean.

But for some reason, the minute someone - me - mentions weight loss, healthy eating, or watching calories, I immediately begin to crave cake and candy and pie - OH MY!  I'm contrary like that.

Anyway, RJ is a huge fan of Boston Creme Pie, so I thought I'd wave my low-calorie wand over it and see what I came up with.  According to RJ, it's "good."  That, my friends, is high praise indeed.

WHAT YOU NEED:

1 Pillsbury Sugar Free Yellow Cake Mix

2 egg whites

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon baking powder

2/3 cup water plus a couple splashes

2 teaspoons vanilla extract, divided

1 small package Fat-Free Vanilla Instant Jello

1 cup skim milk

1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder

2/3 cup powdered sugar 

Some Pam

WHAT YOU DO:

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees, and spray a 9 inch round cake pan with some Pam.  I only had butter flavored, so I used that, and it seemed fine.  Combine the cake mix, the baking soda, the baking powder, 2/3 cup water, the egg whites and  a teaspoon of vanilla in a mixing bowl.  Stir until mixed, then mix in on medium speed with your mixer for a couple minutes.  Then, keep mixing it for a couple more minutes.  Trust me on this - without oil or real eggs, you can help the texture out by mixing it a long time.

After it's mixed, scoop it into your cake pan and spread it out.  It is way thicker that a normal cake batter.  That's ok.  That just means you are doing it right, where right equals JUST LIKE I SAID TO.  Whew, glad we got the whole dominance/who knows best thing over with early in this recipe.

Now, bake it in your previously mentioned preheated oven for 30 - 35 minutes.  It should spring back when you poke at it.  If it falls flat when you poke at it, a) you haven't cooked it long enough and b) you now have a cake with holes poked in it.  But whatever.  It's your cake.  I mean pie.  Let's just call it a cake-pie, shall we?

Meanwhile, mix the Jello, skim milk, and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla in a mixing bowl.  Use your mixer on low speed until it's a good, solid, gelatinous concoction.  Set it aside.  Don't eat it.  I know it looks like something you might want to eat with a spoon RIGHT NOW, but don't do it.  If you do, you'll have to go buy more pudding, and who wants to leave the house dressed and looking the way you do right now?  You can thank me later.

After your cake-pie cools completely, carefully remove it from the pan.  This is the somewhat tricky part.  Using a long serrated knife, cut your cake-pie in half horizontally, which means ACROSS, not DOWN.  As in, long-ways.  That's a technical term, y'all.

Remove the top half of your cake-pie and set it aside.  Spread the Jello mixture on the bottom half of your cake-pie, then put the top half back on.  

Now, mix the powdered sugar, cocoa powder, the remaining vanilla and just a splash (if you're one of THOSE people who is a stickler for measuring, start with 2 teaspoons) of water in a small bowl.  I used a whisk and kept adding water a few drops at a time until it was runny.  Kinda like a thin pancake batter.  If you don't know what pancake batter looks like, think cheap shampoo.  You KNOW you know what that looks like.  Anyway, after it's mixed, pour it over the top of your cake-pie and spread it out a bit.  Let gravity do the rest.

Ok, here's the best part.  Or the second best part, anyway.  If you cut it into 8 pieces, each serving has around 250 calories.  And it tastes good.

Really, the best part is eating it and not getting really fat. 

Tipsy Dessert that you won't hate yourself for tomorrow.

Ok, I'll admit it.

I'm a bit of a lush.

So much so, in fact, that a while back, a few of my Facebook friends were in the early stages of planning an intervention because so many of my status updates mentioned alcohol.

Clearly, these people have no sense of humor.

But while I'm not ready to be carted off to rehab to dry out a la Lindsay Lohan, I do like me some liquor.

And I see absolutely no reason not to put it in everything.

Including dessert.

If you are one of the two people who reads my blog regularly, you also know that the size of my a$$ has become a bit of a concern, so this is my attempt to create a dessert that a) tastes like liquor b)tastes good and c) doesn't make my a$$ any bigger.  I hesitate to call it a recipe, because I didn't really cook anything.  It's more like a METHOD.  Wow, I'm fancy.

[Printable Recipe]

WHAT YOU NEED:
1 oz. Pinnacle Whipped Cream Vodka.  Yes, it's as good as it sounds.
1/2 cup fresh berries of your choice.  I like strawberries and blueberries, so I used strawberries and blueberries
1 serving of angel food cake.  Buy it, bake it, steal it, whatever.  If you are on an un-diet and you like cake, angel food cake should become a staple at your house.
2 tablespoons of Cool Whip
1/2 teaspoon white sugar

WHAT YOU DO:
Rinse, drain and chop your berries to your preferred size, then MACERATE them in the sugar and vodka.  MACERATE is a really fancy way of saying that you pour some stuff over the top of your berries and let them sit and soak for a while.  I learned that word on the Rachel Ray show, and until now, I haven't had an opportunity to use it in a sentence.  Let your berries MACERATE for at least a couple hours.  Gah, I get fancier all the time.

After your berries are MACERATED, tear/cut your serving of angel food cake up into bite sized pieces and put it in a bowl.  Pour your MACERATED berries, juice and all, over the cake, and top with the Cool Whip.

Your delightful dessert has approximately 300 calories per serving.

You may express your gratitude in the form of cash donations.

Does this burrito make my butt look big?

I love Mexican food.  

RJ and I even have our own Mexican restaurant.  You know, the kind where the waiter brings out the margaritas and cheese dip the minute he sees us walk in,  before we even order it.  The kind where the waiters probably take bets in the kitchen about how many margaritas I can consume on $1.99 day - seven is my record, thank you very much.  The kind of restaurant where your drinks become less green and more tequila-colored as the night wears on.  You know what I'm talking about, right?

Anyway, I love Mexican food.  But... if you eat it at least once a week, then you Google it and try to find out nutritional information, you will understand why your a$$ is the size of a house and why you have to wear yoga pants out on a date.

So...  in the spirit of eating healthier foods, I gave Mexican food an update, and the results were surprisingly good.  Granted, there were no waiters waiting in the wings to keep my margarita glass refilled, but my skinny jeans are thankful.

WHAT YOU NEED:

1 small spaghetti squash, stabbed all over with a knife and baked at 400 degrees for about an hour

1 can of black beans, drained and rinsed 

1 small white onion, chopped and sauteed in some Pam
1 can of Rotel, divided
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tablespoon chili powder
2 tsps cumin
1 tsp dried cilantro (Or use fresh if you have it.  I did not.  It is winter in Kentucky and that stuff costs more per ounce than marijuana right now.)
1 can Campbells Nacho Fiesta Cheese Soup
6 whole wheat low calorie tortillas


WHAT YOU DO:
Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

After the spaghetti squash is mostly cooled, cut it in half lengthwise and discard the seeds.  Scoop the rest of the flesh out and put it into a bowl.  Add the onion, black beans, spices and half the Rotel.  Use a fork or a potato masher to squish the heck out of it.  I like black beans just fine, but they are way better if they're all mashed up.

Divide the mixture evenly onto the 6 tortillas, and roll 'em up.  Ya know, like burritos.  Place them seam side down in a shallow baking dish and pop 'em in the oven for 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, mix the cheese soup and the rest of the Rotel together.  What you will get is a runny queso-looking concoction.  Take the burritos out of the oven, pour the soup mixture over top, and put in back in the oven for another ten minutes, or until the cheese looks bubbly and gooey.  I ended up only using about 2/3 of soup mixture, because it looked like a lot of juice to be pouring over my burrito.  In retrospect, I should have used it all.

I served them with a bag of frozen Mexican vegetables that I jazzed up with a few dashes of chili powder and cumin, then roasted in the oven right along with the burritos.

And...  here's the best part.  If you add up all the calories in one serving, which is one burrito and 1/2 cup of vegetables, it's around the 280 calorie mark.

And it tastes good.

You're welcome.

And although you probably want to avoid the margaritas if you're trying to lose weight like I am, you can have a Bud Light Lime with it for only 116 more calories.

You're welcome again.

Individual Breakfast Casseroles. For the good of America.

I read an article today that was about the new dietary guidelines issues by the government.  Apparently, this happens every five years.  Who knew.  For the first time ever, we as Americans are being urged to eat less and to eat better stuff.

Brilliant, no?

But as is the norm for me, I am already two weeks ahead of the curve.

For a lot or reasons (ok, the main reason is my big fat a$$) the J family has embarked on a healthier lifestyle, which includes regular exercise for all of us, and GASP! a healthier diet.

Not DIETING, mind you.  I'm not really interested in in doing anything drastic like that.  I mean, I like lettuce topped with a little more lettuce and an almond just as much as the next girl, but I'm not really interested in eating like that every meal, every day, until I reach some magical number on the scale and then begin to immediately gorge myself on Ho-Hos and french fries again.  Rinse and repeat.  Not really my thing.  See, I like to eat, and I don't like to be hungry, so that doesn't really work for me so much.

What I'm doing instead is trying to make better food choices for me, and therefore for my whole family. And since I do most of the grocery shopping and all of the cooking, I guess this is one responsibility that falls squarely on my big fat a$$.

Good news - I love to cook, and I'm always up for a challenge, so now I'm working on creating recipes that are a)filling b)good and c)healthier than, say, a Twinkie.

Here's one I came up with this morning, after a three mile run and 45 minutes of strength training, when my body was screaming "FEED ME SOMETHING NOW WOMAN!  COLD CEREAL AND A BANANA AIN'T GONNA CUT IT TODAY!"

WHAT YOU NEED:
a muffin pan
Pam cooking spray - I used butter flavor
3 cups Simply Potatoes Hashbrowns.  Or grate up a potato or two yourself - I was HONGRY and lacked patience.  But stay away from the frozen kind.  They have all kinds of not good for you stuff in 'em.
1 1/2 cups diced veggies of your choice.  I used a frozen onion and pepper blend and some mushrooms.  Broccoli, asparagus, carrots and celery would all be great, too.
2 eggs
1 cup egg whites.  I started buying this in a carton in the dairy department of the grocery store.  It's a little on the pricey side, but it lasts forever.
3 slices low fat/low calorie cheese.  Swiss was what I had, so Swiss was what I used.
a generous splash - maybe 1/4 of a cup - of skim milk
parsley, salt and pepper


WHAT YOU DO:
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.  Spray Pam into all the muffin pan, then put 1/4 cup potatoes in the bottom of each spot.  Bake for 10 minutes then remove from the oven and top each one with some of the vegetable mixture, distributing it equally over the 12 muffin tins.  In a small bowl, mix the eggs, egg whites, salt, pepper, parsley and milk until blended, then pour about 2-3 tablespoons of the mixture on the top of each casserole.  You don't need a lot - think of it as the glue.

Bake it for approximately 20 minutes, until the eggs are set.  then cut the three pieces of cheese into 4 equal pieces each, and top each casserole with 1/4 of a slice.  Pop it back into the oven for a couple minutes until the cheese is melted.

I plugged all the ingredients into an app on my iPhone, told it how many servings it made (12) and it spit the calories back out at me - 82 calories per individual casserole.  Add a toasted English Muffin or a piece of fruit, and you can have a yummy breakfast for under 200 calories.  It's hard to beat that.  Also, you can make these ahead and store them in the fridge.  When you're ready to eat,  just microwave them for a minute.

Join me next time when I cure cancer and find a workable solution for world peace.

Or maybe I'll just write another post about my feet.