It's good to have goals.

So, last year,  I took up running so as not to have an a$$ the size of a small middle Eastern country.

Four months ago, I even made some grand promises about running a 5k.

Well guess what?

This past Saturday, I did it.

I ran a 5k.

I didn't embarrass myself.

I didn't finish last.

I even got a cool t-shirt to prove it.

It was a high like I have never experienced before except for that one really GREAT contact buzz I got at a Toby Keith concert.

I immediately came home and started looking for other races to run in the near future.

Then I saw this one.

Which is not a 5k at all, but a 10k.

That's more than 6 miles, people.

But I'm seriously considering it.

I ran 5 miles on the treadmill yesterday,  and only stopped because the children were clamoring for breakfast.  Pesky kids have to eat ALL. THE. TIME.  Like, at least three times a day.  Good grief.

Tomorrow, I plan to do the full six miles and change.

I'll see how I feel then, and I have almost a whole week to decide.  Yowza.

I'm also planning to run this race in April, and I'm setting some pretty aggressive time goals for myself.  Also, in a fit of either brilliance or insanity - not sure which, I'll let you know - I've talked several members of my extended family into walking this one.  There are a few folks who are close to me who are trying to lose weight and get fit, and I'm so proud of them.  This will be a great big ole family affair, complete with much hugging and sobbing at the finish line, I imagine.

So, it's official.

I'm addicted.

And as someone who has never made time for or been interested in any sort of physical activity before, it feels sort of strange.

But I like it.

The one where I pretend to be Catwoman.

Today, I'm guest posting at The Kennedy Adventures.  Be sure to drop by and say hi to my friend Dianna. Dianna and I go way, WAY back, like to when we were too-smart-for-our-own-good little girls in elementary school.  If you're here by way of The Kennedy Adventures, then folks, this is the rest of the story...

Zj is a bit obsessed with Superheroes.

For a while, his obsession was about everyone of the Marvel persuasion.

Lately, though, he's been on a bit of a DC kick.

He has absolutely no interest in anything that might some day be vaguely useful, like, say, READING, but he can tell you the names of all four people to fill the role of Robin, in order,  with a brief bio.  Mama's so proud.

If you don't know what any of that means, you clearly have girls living in your house.  But I'm not bitter.  Much.

Anyway, pretty much the only thing that can keep zj's attention for any amount of time, other than Benadryl, which knocks him RIGHT out, video games which I try to avoid for all but 14 hours a day, which we all know cause brain cancer, violent behavior and male pattern baldness, is to play pretend.

It goes something like this:

Zj: "Mama, I''l be Batman, you be Catwoman, and cj can be baby Robin."

Me: "Ok."  At this point, I'm still hopeful that this will be one of those games of pretend where I can get away with a well placed "Yeah" or "Uh-huh" and that will be all that's necessary.  Sadly, those times are getting fewer and further between...

Zj: "Catwoman, why did you steal all those jewels from the Gotham Museum?"

Me: "Uh, ok."

Zj: "MAMA! LOOK AT ME! WITH YOUR EYES!"

Me: Dammit.  I'm going to have to pay attention this time.  "Ok, Batman, I took the jewels.  Whaddya gonna do about it? Meow."  I like to meow randomly when pretending to be Catwoman.  It's called METHOD acting, people.


Zj: "Well Catwoman, if you wanna, maybe we could go out some time.  Ya know, like on a date?"   

Me: "Meow.  Ok Batman, I'll go on a date with you.  Where are you going to take me?"

Zj:  "Well, maybe we could go to the Gotham dance.  And go get cheeseburgers.  Here, I'll get yours.  What do you like on your cheeseburger?"

Me: "Um, ok? I like lettuce.  Meow."

Zj:  "Here's your cheeseburger with lettuce, Catwoman.  Now let's go to the dance." Pretends to get into the Batmobile and drives us to the dance.  "Um, Catowman, you need to go put your fancy dress on to go to the dance."

Me: Whaaa???  "Ok, Batman.  What does my fancy dress look like?  Meow."

Zj:  "Well, it's shiny, with sparkles, and a ribbon and a bow, and flowers.  And it has sparkles on it."

Me: I think you mentioned the sparkles... 


Zj: "Oh, and the shoes.  The shoes are the ones, ya know, that are big.  Like, ya know, tall, with points in the back."

Me: "MEOW? You mean high heels?"

Zj: "Yeah, and they have sparkles, too."


Awesome.  So now I'm raising a boy-child who has set the bar for future relationships at Catwoman wearing a sparkly dress and heels.  No pressure there.  I'm sure those types are a dime a dozen.

It's bad enough that he is clearly going to be a comic book geek.

Now, he's working on being a comic book geek with unrealistic expectations.

Well, Meow.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Get in my tummy, Boston Creme Pie.

This post is a direct result of Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop. And also because I like pie.

I've never been a huge fan of sweets.

I've always preferred to drink my dessert, if you know what I mean.

But for some reason, the minute someone - me - mentions weight loss, healthy eating, or watching calories, I immediately begin to crave cake and candy and pie - OH MY!  I'm contrary like that.

Anyway, RJ is a huge fan of Boston Creme Pie, so I thought I'd wave my low-calorie wand over it and see what I came up with.  According to RJ, it's "good."  That, my friends, is high praise indeed.

WHAT YOU NEED:

1 Pillsbury Sugar Free Yellow Cake Mix

2 egg whites

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon baking powder

2/3 cup water plus a couple splashes

2 teaspoons vanilla extract, divided

1 small package Fat-Free Vanilla Instant Jello

1 cup skim milk

1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder

2/3 cup powdered sugar 

Some Pam

WHAT YOU DO:

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees, and spray a 9 inch round cake pan with some Pam.  I only had butter flavored, so I used that, and it seemed fine.  Combine the cake mix, the baking soda, the baking powder, 2/3 cup water, the egg whites and  a teaspoon of vanilla in a mixing bowl.  Stir until mixed, then mix in on medium speed with your mixer for a couple minutes.  Then, keep mixing it for a couple more minutes.  Trust me on this - without oil or real eggs, you can help the texture out by mixing it a long time.

After it's mixed, scoop it into your cake pan and spread it out.  It is way thicker that a normal cake batter.  That's ok.  That just means you are doing it right, where right equals JUST LIKE I SAID TO.  Whew, glad we got the whole dominance/who knows best thing over with early in this recipe.

Now, bake it in your previously mentioned preheated oven for 30 - 35 minutes.  It should spring back when you poke at it.  If it falls flat when you poke at it, a) you haven't cooked it long enough and b) you now have a cake with holes poked in it.  But whatever.  It's your cake.  I mean pie.  Let's just call it a cake-pie, shall we?

Meanwhile, mix the Jello, skim milk, and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla in a mixing bowl.  Use your mixer on low speed until it's a good, solid, gelatinous concoction.  Set it aside.  Don't eat it.  I know it looks like something you might want to eat with a spoon RIGHT NOW, but don't do it.  If you do, you'll have to go buy more pudding, and who wants to leave the house dressed and looking the way you do right now?  You can thank me later.

After your cake-pie cools completely, carefully remove it from the pan.  This is the somewhat tricky part.  Using a long serrated knife, cut your cake-pie in half horizontally, which means ACROSS, not DOWN.  As in, long-ways.  That's a technical term, y'all.

Remove the top half of your cake-pie and set it aside.  Spread the Jello mixture on the bottom half of your cake-pie, then put the top half back on.  

Now, mix the powdered sugar, cocoa powder, the remaining vanilla and just a splash (if you're one of THOSE people who is a stickler for measuring, start with 2 teaspoons) of water in a small bowl.  I used a whisk and kept adding water a few drops at a time until it was runny.  Kinda like a thin pancake batter.  If you don't know what pancake batter looks like, think cheap shampoo.  You KNOW you know what that looks like.  Anyway, after it's mixed, pour it over the top of your cake-pie and spread it out a bit.  Let gravity do the rest.

Ok, here's the best part.  Or the second best part, anyway.  If you cut it into 8 pieces, each serving has around 250 calories.  And it tastes good.

Really, the best part is eating it and not getting really fat. 

Aren't we adorable?

In case you haven't noticed, I added a link on the left side tool bar a while back.

Go ahead, look for it.

I SAID, LOOK FOR IT!

Ok, here, I'll make it easy for you.

CLICK HERE!!!!!

See, here's how it happened.

As I may have mentioned before, I don't do New Year's resolutions  That still holds true.  This past New Year's Day found me, as well as both kiddos, down and out with the flu.

I was useless.  They were whiny.  I drugged them and they slept a REALLY long time.  Around 5ish that afternoon, I was mobile enough to check up on the important things in life, namely Facebook and Twitter.  I saw on one of those places someone who posted a link to a photo blog she was starting, where she would post a new photo every day of the year.  I have absolutely no recollection of who it was or I'd give credit where it's due.  Sorry 'bout that, but hello? Fever here...

Anyway, I though to myself, "Self, you can do that."

So I did.

I have a great camera, thanks to RJ.  It was my gift on my very first Mother's  Day, and any great photos I've taken are solely to the credit of having a great camera.  I catch a few good shots here and there, but it's totally by accident.

So this is just one of the many things I'm working on this year.

I figured nothing would make me practice photography more that a challenge.  So I challenged myself.

Let me know what you think.

Personally, I think we're darn cute.

Tipsy Dessert that you won't hate yourself for tomorrow.

Ok, I'll admit it.

I'm a bit of a lush.

So much so, in fact, that a while back, a few of my Facebook friends were in the early stages of planning an intervention because so many of my status updates mentioned alcohol.

Clearly, these people have no sense of humor.

But while I'm not ready to be carted off to rehab to dry out a la Lindsay Lohan, I do like me some liquor.

And I see absolutely no reason not to put it in everything.

Including dessert.

If you are one of the two people who reads my blog regularly, you also know that the size of my a$$ has become a bit of a concern, so this is my attempt to create a dessert that a) tastes like liquor b)tastes good and c) doesn't make my a$$ any bigger.  I hesitate to call it a recipe, because I didn't really cook anything.  It's more like a METHOD.  Wow, I'm fancy.

WHAT YOU NEED:
1 oz. Pinnacle Whipped Cream Vodka.  Yes, it's as good as it sounds.
1/2 cup fresh berries of your choice.  I like strawberries and blueberries, so I used strawberries and blueberries
1 serving of angel food cake.  Buy it, bake it, steal it, whatever.  If you are on an un-diet and you like cake, angel food cake should become a staple at your house.
2 tablespoons of Cool Whip
1/2 teaspoon white sugar

WHAT YOU DO:
Rinse, drain and chop your berries to your preferred size, then MACERATE them in the sugar and vodka.  MACERATE is a really fancy way of saying that you pour some stuff over the top of your berries and let them sit and soak for a while.  I learned that word on the Rachel Ray show, and until now, I haven't had an opportunity to use it in a sentence.  Let your berries MACERATE for at least a couple hours.  Gah, I get fancier all the time.

After your berries are MACERATED, tear/cut your serving of angel food cake up into bite sized pieces and put it in a bowl.  Pour your MACERATED berries, juice and all, over the cake, and top with the Cool Whip.

Your delightful dessert has approximately 300 calories per serving.

You may express your gratitude in the form of cash donations.

Pity party.

Yesterday morning, I threw myself a little party.

It went something like this.

I can't believe I overslept.  Of all the stupid things I could do, how could I have overslept?  Clearly, I am not a capable human being.  I should just stay in bed all day and maybe eat tacos.  I could get really fat eating tacos like those people they have to cut out of their houses and load onto a flatbed truck with a crane.  Poor me, running late to my run.  It's useless anyway.  I'm working out every day, and my a$$ is still the size of a house.  Dammit.  I'll just give up.  Pointless, stupid, lazy...


Fast forward 15 minutes.  Workout gear on, run in progress...

Dammit.  My foot is hurt again.  Same spot as before.  I'll just keep going, though, because there is a race next week that I have been training for and I don't want to miss it DAMMIT!  OW!  Ok, slowing down, silly me, thinking I could do something like run an actual 5k race, clearly I am not capable of basic human function because I'm a useless, pointless fat slob who can't even use a basic piece of workout equipment without injuring myself.  I deserve to be fat.  Maybe I'll just give up all together.  I'll stop bathing and stop tweezing my eyebrows and stop shaving my armpits because what's the use?  It's just like lipstick on a pig...  


Thirty minutes later... Post shower, dressed and ready to begin my career as a sloth.

RJ: "You look nice today."

Ahhh...

And suddenly, all is right with the world again.

Does this burrito make my butt look big?

I love Mexican food.  

RJ and I even have our own Mexican restaurant.  You know, the kind where the waiter brings out the margaritas and cheese dip the minute he sees us walk in,  before we even order it.  The kind where the waiters probably take bets in the kitchen about how many margaritas I can consume on $1.99 day - seven is my record, thank you very much.  The kind of restaurant where your drinks become less green and more tequila-colored as the night wears on.  You know what I'm talking about, right?

Anyway, I love Mexican food.  But... if you eat it at least once a week, then you Google it and try to find out nutritional information, you will understand why your a$$ is the size of a house and why you have to wear yoga pants out on a date.

So...  in the spirit of eating healthier foods, I gave Mexican food an update, and the results were surprisingly good.  Granted, there were no waiters waiting in the wings to keep my margarita glass refilled, but my skinny jeans are thankful.

WHAT YOU NEED:

1 small spaghetti squash, stabbed all over with a knife and baked at 400 degrees for about an hour

1 can of black beans, drained and rinsed 

1 small white onion, chopped and sauteed in some Pam
1 can of Rotel, divided
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tablespoon chili powder
2 tsps cumin
1 tsp dried cilantro (Or use fresh if you have it.  I did not.  It is winter in Kentucky and that stuff costs more per ounce than marijuana right now.)
1 can Campbells Nacho Fiesta Cheese Soup
6 whole wheat low calorie tortillas


WHAT YOU DO:
Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

After the spaghetti squash is mostly cooled, cut it in half lengthwise and discard the seeds.  Scoop the rest of the flesh out and put it into a bowl.  Add the onion, black beans, spices and half the Rotel.  Use a fork or a potato masher to squish the heck out of it.  I like black beans just fine, but they are way better if they're all mashed up.

Divide the mixture evenly onto the 6 tortillas, and roll 'em up.  Ya know, like burritos.  Place them seam side down in a shallow baking dish and pop 'em in the oven for 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, mix the cheese soup and the rest of the Rotel together.  What you will get is a runny queso-looking concoction.  Take the burritos out of the oven, pour the soup mixture over top, and put in back in the oven for another ten minutes, or until the cheese looks bubbly and gooey.  I ended up only using about 2/3 of soup mixture, because it looked like a lot of juice to be pouring over my burrito.  In retrospect, I should have used it all.

I served them with a bag of frozen Mexican vegetables that I jazzed up with a few dashes of chili powder and cumin, then roasted in the oven right along with the burritos.

And...  here's the best part.  If you add up all the calories in one serving, which is one burrito and 1/2 cup of vegetables, it's around the 280 calorie mark.

And it tastes good.

You're welcome.

And although you probably want to avoid the margaritas if you're trying to lose weight like I am, you can have a Bud Light Lime with it for only 116 more calories.

You're welcome again.

I run so I can eat.

Yesterday I ran 6.25 miles.

Ahem.

I'm not sure you heard me.

Yesterday. I. Ran. 6.25. Miles.

Now if you're a "real" runner who stumbled across this blog, you're probably thinking "What's the big effing deal?  I do that all the time."  Fine, you jerk.   Get your toned little butt off my blog and go shop for size 0 pants or something.

For me, it was a pretty big deal.

Now, let me be completely honest.  To call it "running" is a bit... generous.  It was more like a shuffle-walk-jog-drag-shuffle.  It took me a REALLY long time.  But it doesn't matter, because I moved my body an entire 10k.

Six months ago, I could barely walk a mile.

Four months ago, I could barely walk three miles.  But...

Yesterday. I. Ran. 6.25. Miles.

The icing on the cake, so to speak, was when I realized how many calories I had burned.  Pretty much, after a 10k run, I can eat anything I want.  And for me, that's what it's all about.  Calories burned = good food in my mouth.  I mentioned the other day thatthe J Family is eating better.  That's all fine and good, mind you, and I'm embracing it with the stubbornness only a true Capricorn can manage, but it sure as hell ain't as good as eating French fries.  Or potato chips.  Or mashed potatoes.  Or bread.  Or bread covered in mashed potatoes with a side of French fries and a bag of chips for dessert.  With butter, of course.

Sorry, got a bit off track there.

Anyway, so yesterday, I ran 6.25 miles.

Today, I ran 3.11 miles, then ate 5 Pringles and felt horribly guilty.  WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME???

But I'm here to focus on the positive.

Oh sure, I still have thirty a few pounds to lose. But...

Yesterday. I. Ran. 6.25. Miles.

And I might just do it again tomorrow.

Happy birthday to my superhero. You're five. Really? REALLY?

Today is zj's fifth birthday.  I was all prepared to write a post about how much I love him and how much he's grown and maybe pull out a bunch of old baby pictures and sob hysterically as I thought of my baby boy growing up so fast, but then I remembered that I did that last year.

Well, then.

On to plan B.

We gave zj some choices about what he wanted to do on his birthday.  Just for the record, none of them contained an actual party, because as I have mentioned before, children's birthday parties make me want to drink gin straight from the cat dish.  His decision was quick and decisive.  We would go to Chuck E. Cheese and we would go ice skating.

Umm...  Ok?  I guess I'll have to drink a lot before we even leave the house I'll have to suck it up.  His birthday, his choice.

Here are some highlights of the day:

8am - Presentation of the birthday gifts.  Zj proclaimed the bathroom "the most awesomest thing he'd ever seen."

11am - Ice skating.  I can't skate.  Zj can't skate.  There was a lot of falling down.  There was a fair amount of "Are we done yet?"  I didn't think to bring gloves.  I feel certain that this is one of those memories that will be better after a fair amount of time has passed.  Ya know, kinda like having kids.  In six months, I'm sure we will remember how much fun it was and want to try again.  Or not.

12:30pm - Chuck E. Cheese.  Oh dear Lord.  Deliver me from large rat-like creatures bearing tokens and crappy pizza.  As I have mentioned before, this place is only suitable for the young and/or intoxicated.  Unfortunately, once again, I was neither.  Moving on...

2:30 pm - Build-A-Bear Workshop.  This photo sucks because by this time I had lost the will to live was getting tired.  Zj chose a dog for himself and a monkey to take home to cj, who spent the day at the sitter's the lucky little bastard.  And $60 later...

3:30pm - Barnes & Noble, because I joined their Kid's Club and had a coupon for a free cupcake.  I got to get a very large cup of coffee, too, but it was all for zj.  Really, it was a sacrifice.

4:30pm - Toys R Us.  Clearly, I have a death wish.  Zj was told he could choose one toy.  He immediately went to this one, which until now, I had successfully avoided buying for the past TWO YEARS, mainly because a) it's exorbitantly priced silly string and b) it's exorbitantly priced silly string.  How would not be swayed, even when offered a Kung Zhu thing, which I he wants desperately and which I have also managed to avoid buying.  So, in the bag it went.  For the record, three hours later, we were $14 of silly string down and my left eye wouldn't stop twitching because of the crap hanging off every available surface.

6pm - Zj declared this "the bestest day of his whole entire life, forever and ever" and promptly crashed.  

Next year, I'm just going to have a &#($ party and be done with it.

Individual Breakfast Casseroles. For the good of America.

I read an article today that was about the new dietary guidelines issues by the government.  Apparently, this happens every five years.  Who knew.  For the first time ever, we as Americans are being urged to eat less and to eat better stuff.

Brilliant, no?

But as is the norm for me, I am already two weeks ahead of the curve.

For a lot or reasons (ok, the main reason is my big fat a$$) the J family has embarked on a healthier lifestyle, which includes regular exercise for all of us, and GASP! a healthier diet.

Not DIETING, mind you.  I'm not really interested in in doing anything drastic like that.  I mean, I like lettuce topped with a little more lettuce and an almond just as much as the next girl, but I'm not really interested in eating like that every meal, every day, until I reach some magical number on the scale and then begin to immediately gorge myself on Ho-Hos and french fries again.  Rinse and repeat.  Not really my thing.  See, I like to eat, and I don't like to be hungry, so that doesn't really work for me so much.

What I'm doing instead is trying to make better food choices for me, and therefore for my whole family. And since I do most of the grocery shopping and all of the cooking, I guess this is one responsibility that falls squarely on my big fat a$$.

Good news - I love to cook, and I'm always up for a challenge, so now I'm working on creating recipes that are a)filling b)good and c)healthier than, say, a Twinkie.

Here's one I came up with this morning, after a three mile run and 45 minutes of strength training, when my body was screaming "FEED ME SOMETHING NOW WOMAN!  COLD CEREAL AND A BANANA AIN'T GONNA CUT IT TODAY!"

WHAT YOU NEED:
a muffin pan
Pam cooking spray - I used butter flavor
3 cups Simply Potatoes Hashbrowns.  Or grate up a potato or two yourself - I was HONGRY and lacked patience.  But stay away from the frozen kind.  They have all kinds of not good for you stuff in 'em.
1 1/2 cups diced veggies of your choice.  I used a frozen onion and pepper blend and some mushrooms.  Broccoli, asparagus, carrots and celery would all be great, too.
2 eggs
1 cup egg whites.  I started buying this in a carton in the dairy department of the grocery store.  It's a little on the pricey side, but it lasts forever.
3 slices low fat/low calorie cheese.  Swiss was what I had, so Swiss was what I used.
a generous splash - maybe 1/4 of a cup - of skim milk
parsley, salt and pepper


WHAT YOU DO:
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.  Spray Pam into all the muffin pan, then put 1/4 cup potatoes in the bottom of each spot.  Bake for 10 minutes then remove from the oven and top each one with some of the vegetable mixture, distributing it equally over the 12 muffin tins.  In a small bowl, mix the eggs, egg whites, salt, pepper, parsley and milk until blended, then pour about 2-3 tablespoons of the mixture on the top of each casserole.  You don't need a lot - think of it as the glue.

Bake it for approximately 20 minutes, until the eggs are set.  then cut the three pieces of cheese into 4 equal pieces each, and top each casserole with 1/4 of a slice.  Pop it back into the oven for a couple minutes until the cheese is melted.

I plugged all the ingredients into an app on my iPhone, told it how many servings it made (12) and it spit the calories back out at me - 82 calories per individual casserole.  Add a toasted English Muffin or a piece of fruit, and you can have a yummy breakfast for under 200 calories.  It's hard to beat that.  Also, you can make these ahead and store them in the fridge.  When you're ready to eat,  just microwave them for a minute.

Join me next time when I cure cancer and find a workable solution for world peace.

Or maybe I'll just write another post about my feet.